She was born 63 years ago as Laurence Meeks.
“While I was growing up, my mom called me Laurie,” Meeks recalls. “I think she read Little Women too much! I didn’t want to be called Larry, like the character in Leave It to Beaver, and I had a female cousin named Laurie, so everybody shortened it to Laur. That stuck even when I was grown and in the Air Force.
“That is, until I became Laura.”
Born and raised in Wayzata, Minn., into a family with three brothers, “I was raised in a totally male environment,” Meeks says. “I was second oldest of two boys from my mom’s first marriage, which ended when I was quite young. Then, when she married my stepfather, they had two more boys.
“My mom and stepfather are both gone now, but my dad, who had been a stockbroker, is still alive at 90 and was always in my life as well.”
Meeks’ mom was an advertising executive who had studied in the Harvard program created for women; Harvard at that time was all-male. “My mom faced big-time discrimination, but she had perseverance. She taught me to never give up, no matter how bad a situation might be. She always did whatever it took to make it as a woman in a man’s world.”
As a child, Meeks would lie in the fields and look up at the sky. “I decided early on that I wanted to get out of Minnesota. Looking at the planes flying over from Minneapolis, I thought that if I could be up there, it would be my ticket out. I dreamed of being a pilot, so coming out of high school, I wanted a college that was co-educational, near skiing, and with an Air Force ROTC (Reserve Officers’ Training Corps) program.”
Meeks settled on the University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, Wash.
“Originally, I was going to major in Spanish, but I found out the Air Force took any degree, regardless of major. I had read a book by Abraham Maslow, and found I loved the subject, so I decided to get my degree in psychology. Ultimately, for me, it was all just about being able to get into flight training school.”
Meeks’ first marriage was to Cathy.
“We began dating in college, and being a kid of a broken marriage, I was determined never to get divorced,” she says. “I knew if it were a choice between marriage and flight school, I would choose the training. We married after college, and I did go into flight-navigation school.
“It was the hardest thing I’d ever done, leaving little time for a life. It reached the point where Cathy wondered where she fit into the picture. We were in Sacramento by then, and it wasn’t really working for her, because between training and studying, I was just never there. I actually thought about quitting the program and called everybody I knew to get advice about what to do. My stepfather said, ‘What are you doing? This is your dream. You can do this. You’ll get through this.’”
The marriage survived for another seven years.
“Pilot training was even harder than navigator training, and Cathy felt as if she was raising our sons by herself. My goal put so much pressure on her. I passed at the top of my class, and we moved to Fort Worth, Texas, where we hoped all the work would finally pay off. Then I got the best assignment I could ever get: squadron officer school.”
At that point, they had two sons. “By then, she was so angry; we just couldn’t keep it together.”
Meeks has now been with her second wife, Annie, since 1986. They have called Rancho Mirage home since 2005.
“We met in the military,” she says. “She actually outranks me: I retired as a major; she as a lieutenant colonel. We know who the boss is!
“When we were still dating, stationed at different bases in the Pacific, we started writing lots of letters, making up stories and telling each other our sexual fantasies. Some of my stories were leaning toward me as a woman.
“I always knew I was somehow different. Growing up in a family of boys, I never wanted to be a ‘sissy.’ I was in an all-male high school, joined a frat and lived with guys at college, and was in the military with guys. In college, it became clear that I thought much differently from other guys. Their focus was on conquest and winning; mine was about feelings and bonding.”
Annie brought her daughter, Shellie, to the marriage, and Meeks adopted her. (I wrote about Shellie several months ago.) By then, they were in Guam, and Meeks had discovered internet chat rooms with frank discussions about gender issues.
“It hit me like a lightning bolt! I felt like a woman, and realized other people felt the same way,” she says. “I felt I was in the wrong gender, and now I could look up information and talk to others. It was like solving a puzzle. Now I knew why I felt different. I learned the term ‘transgender,’ which was exactly how I was feeling, and I realized I am one of them.
“Annie and I were able to make my transition together. We talked about it a lot. I said, ‘It’s about me, but I’m also married to you, and I love you. If this is a deal-breaker, I won’t go down this road.’ She wasn’t sure what it meant, but said we should go down the road together.
“Most male transgender stories are kept secret, but at some point, you can’t hold it inside anymore. For me, it was a secret for about 10 years, but when I retired from the service, I felt free to begin making some changes. The first was to stop getting haircuts. It got to where I felt comfortable dressing as a woman at home. I had to find time to practice being Laura.
“I learned that sexuality is about whom you go to bed with, while gender is whom you want to be while you’re in bed. Annie is a heterosexual female married to a transgender woman, and we’ve made it work. We both know it’s important not to lose our contact based on who we know we are inside. Our souls haven’t changed.”
Meeks now does professional coaching: “Fly High Living is where I’m taking everything I’ve learned and helping others.” Meeks is also writing a book with Annie, and has a show on iHub Radio (where I also have two shows).
“Everybody has a dream. Maybe it’s repressed or avoided, but it’s in you, and my work is to help you find it and achieve it,” she says. “My mission is to help people bring their unique gift to the world.”
Laura Meeks is a formidable woman who has transformed her life, followed her dreams, and wants to share what she has learned.
Anita Rufus is also known as “The Lovable Liberal.” Her show That’s Life airs weekdays from 11 a.m. to noon on iHubradio, while The Lovable Liberal airs from 2 to 4 p.m. Saturdays. Email her at Anita@LovableLiberal.com. Know Your Neighbors appears every other Wednesday.