I’ll say this for Sean Penn: Even though he has a major smoker’s face, he’s sporting some nice muscularity at this stage in his life.
Seriously: He’s got six-pack abs, and some major shoulder and back muscles, leading down to an impressive, slender waste. While I didn’t exactly get a glimpse of his buttocks, I have to imagine that they are smooth and rock-hard.
When properly oiled, his surfer body is the sort of thing that should make humans of all genders and sexual preferences swoon. I wonder whether his is a body made by steroids, or HGH, or whether it’s simply the toned, shaped and visually delicious results of a man who works hard and cares about himself.
I wonder why he would do all this work on those fabulous muscles and still smoke cigarettes—a habit that destroys him little by little, with every puff, like mold on a fine art painting.
I wonder what he drinks in the morning, whether it’s a protein shake full of nutritious supplements, or just a big glass of raw eggs, Rocky-style.
While I’m at it, let’s not ignore his hair. I think it’s dyed, but not to an extent that makes him look like an old guy trying to look young. I feel his stylist should be commended. He or she has found the right balance in that dye mix. Topping it all off is a nice pencil mustache, with just enough of a soul patch under his lip to make Frank Zappa proud.
All in all, I can see why Charlize Theron is dating Sean Penn. He is, indeed, a catch, even if he tastes and smells like a stank ashtray.
Oh, I almost forgot … THIS MOVIE, WITH HIS HUNKY ASS PLAYING AN ASSASSIN TRYING TO MAKE GOOD ON HIS SINS, IS FREAKING TERRIBLE!
The Gunman is playing at theaters across the valley.