I’m a health nut, so I almost never eat at fast-food restaurants. But I notice that every time there’s a new burger joint here in the valley, it opens to much fanfare. These establishments are very popular with people who have little time on their hands, not to mention the slime on their hands when they’re eating all the greasy food.
But what’s wrong with this picture? Shouldn’t we be encouraging people to live a healthier lifestyle? We live in an area that offers plenty of outdoor recreation, yet not everyone takes advantage of it.
We can eliminate much of the debate about health care by just focusing on prevention. If we teach people how to take care of themselves, that will decrease the chances of them becoming dependent on the system. For those who have already become ill, I propose instituting an incentive-based health-care system. For example, if an obese person loses a specific amount of weight, they would be offered a discount on their insurance premium; after all, money is a great motivator. But let’s take a look at some practical solutions to get people started.
Anyone who has driven into the Coachella Valley has noticed those unsightly windmills located next to the freeway. They’ve always been an eyesore. Perhaps we should remove all the windmills and replace them with people. If someone is in need of more exercise, they would have the opportunity to stand in the wind-prone areas and flap their arms as hard as they could. By doing this, they could generate power, and burn calories at the same time. It would be a win-win situation for everyone, not to mention a wind-wind situation.
Another suggestion is to have our own “running of the bulls” event here in the desert. The idea would be to let loose a herd of bulls through the streets and have them chase a group of people who need exercise. There’s no better way to get in shape quickly than be forced to run for your life.
But before you dismiss all this as a bunch of bull, we need to recognize the dangers of a sedentary lifestyle. Activity is the key to longevity.
One of the best ways to stay active is to swim, and here in the Coachella Valley, we’re lucky to have a body of water large enough to accommodate thousands of swimmers. I’m talking about the jewel of the desert, the Salton Sea. There’s nothing more satisfying than taking a dip on a beautiful day surrounded by the aroma of rotting fish. And that’s the point: There could be a race called “Last One Out Is a Rotten Egg.” All the contestants would swim as fast as they could to get out of the water quickly. The last one out would, indeed, smell like rotten eggs.
The ideal solution would be to combine all of these activities together to create the First Annual Coachella Valley Turbine Toro Tilapia Triathlon. Participants would start off by flapping their arms like a wind turbine, then be chased by bulls all the way to the Salton Sea, where they could swim alongside floating tilapia.
When the swimmers emerge from the sea, each of them would be personally dried off by former Congresswoman Mary Bono Mack, who’s used to throwing in the towel. The winner of the competition would be invited to have a Big Mac with Bono Mack and her husband, Connie Mack. Of course, Big Macs aren’t exactly the healthiest food in the world, which leads us back to our original goal of living a healthier lifestyle.
Our new congressman, Dr. Raul Ruiz, spent a year as a medical student with Partners in Health, an organization dedicated to providing health care to impoverished countries. His services could certainly be used to educate people here about the benefits of taking care of themselves.
In the meantime, you deserve a break today. Forget the burger; get your buns out, and do something active.