The late actor Christopher Reeve once said, “When the unthinkable happens, the lighthouse is hope. Once we choose hope, everything is possible.”
After Stella Espinoza began to lose her vision at the age of 37, she decided to choose hope—and that’s made all the difference.
Born and raised in Indio, Espinoza has a lot of family in the area; her parents still live in the house where she grew up. As a young girl, she dreamed of a career in the medical field.
“I went to school for medical assisting, and completed that program in 1998,” she said. “I was in the field of women’s health—up until the time I had to stop working in 2019.”
Motherhood came early for Espinoza. She had her first child at 16, and by the time she was 21, she was a single mother of two.
Espinoza’s eye issues began in 2013.
“I was a contact lens-wearer, and to get them renewed, I had to see my eye doctor every year, which I did,” she said. “… At the time, the medical office I worked in was transitioning from paper charts to electronic medical records.”
There was a lot of training involved, which meant a lot of time staring at a computer screen. “Initially, I chalked up my vision issues to tired eyes. I hadn’t been used to looking at the computer for eight hours a day,” she said.
She tried changing her contact lenses and even switching to glasses, but nothing worked. “It got to the point where when I covered one eye, my vision was OK, but when I covered the other one, I couldn’t see anything. That prompted me to go see my eye doctor at Costco. When I went in for the exam, he said, ‘Your pressures are unbelievably high—you’re not leaving here.’”
The doctor put in eye drops, and then she had to wait for an hour. The doctor re-checked everything, and he still wasn’t comfortable with her leaving. Espinoza ended up staying there for 3 1/2 hours.
The eye doctor recommended she see a specialist, which is where she found herself the following Monday afternoon. It was there she was told she had glaucoma.
“I was very naive. It was the furthest thing from my mind,” she said. “I was 37; no one in my family had any history of vision issues. I said, ‘OK, well, what do we have to do to get it fixed? Pills Drops? Surgery?’”
Espinoza’s daughter had just turned 21 and was in college; her son had just graduated from high school and was about to go into the Air Force. Because she had a lot of responsibilities, she wanted to get the vision problem taken care of.
“That’s when they told me there was there’s nothing they could do. ‘It’s irreversible, and is only going to get worse from here,’” she said her doctor told her.
Not long before she gave up driving, someone told Stella Espinoza about the Braille Institute in Rancho Mirage. She was reluctant to go, because thinking about Braille made her situation all too real.
Espinoza didn’t believe him, and she consulted three other doctors. The fourth doctor, a woman, finally took the time to explain the disease to her.
Everyone has vessels behind their eyes that fill with and expel fluid. With glaucoma patients, those vessels don’t release that fluid, which applies pressure to the nerves at the back of the eye. That prolonged pressure causes damage. Glaucoma is usually diagnosed when patients are over 65.
“That’s when reality hit, and I realized, ‘This is going to be my life,’” she said. “I don’t have vision in my right eye. I can tell you if the lights are on or off, and I can see a little bit of movement. My left eye at the time was a lot better. I was able to drive and to continue working. Then in 2019, things got worse, and driving became difficult.”
That’s when Espinoza’s doctor told her she should stop working. Espinoza’s employers had made accommodations for her up to that point.
“I was moved from the back office to the front, because I didn’t feel comfortable working with medication dosages and syringes,” she said. “They gave me a larger computer screen and a large-print keyboard, but that wasn’t enough. I quit work, and in December 2019, I relinquished my driver’s license.”
Not long before she gave up driving, someone told Espinoza about the Braille Institute in Rancho Mirage. She was reluctant to go, because thinking about Braille made her situation all too real. On her first visit, she could not make herself go into the building.
“I sat in the parking lot and cried,” she said. “I was just not ready, so I left. I ended up doing the same thing seven times. At one point, my son was in town visiting, and I asked him to take me to the Braille Institute, thinking that I’d have the nerve to go in if someone was with me.”
The receptionist was on the phone, so Espinoza and her son had to wait. When she saw posters of people with guide dogs and canes, she got overwhelmed and once again left. What Espinoza didn’t know was that her son had given the receptionist his mother’s contact information. She got a call from the institute later that day, which opened the door to her taking classes there.
“I have a huge support system here in the desert—siblings, aunts, uncles, you name it,” she said. “They’re terrific, but they can’t relate to my situation. The Braille Institute became my community. Being around people who knew exactly how I was feeling—all the trials and tribulations, from picking out matching socks, to cleaning the house—was wonderful.”
At the end of 2020, one of Espinoza’s instructors asked her if she’d be interested in hosting a peer support group. She said yes; that group continues to meet every Monday.
“They always thank me for hosting classes, but I don’t think they realize how much it helps me,” she said.
Since becoming involved with the Braille Institute, doors have opened for Espinoza.
“I’ve been invited to speak at several events,” she said. “I was involved in the groundbreaking ceremony for our new facility in May, and I’ve done a few television interviews, etc. Back when I had to stop driving and working in women’s health care, I wondered what my life’s purpose was. I dug myself in to a bit of a black hole for about a month.”
Espinoza said the journey has taught her a lot of patience and grace—and that it’s OK to ask for help.
“What I’d love for people to take from my story is to remember to pull from within, and to realize just how strong they really are,” she said.
Bonnie Gilgallon has written theater reviews for the Independent since 2013. She hosts a digital interview show, The Desert Scene, which can be heard on www.thedesertscene.com and viewed on Mutual Broadcasting’s YouTube channel. Learn more at bonnie-g.com.
