SuperMansion: War on Christmas (Thursday, Dec. 8, Crackle), holiday special: Oldster superhero Titanium Rex (voiced by Bryan Cranston) and his geezeriffic League of Freedom are forced to stop arguing for a hot minute to save Christmas from a new supervillain, Mr. Skibumpers (Jim Parsons), a malevolent alien who’s turned Santa Claus (Gary Anthony Williams) into a bloodthirsty murder machine wreaking havoc upon Storm City. War on Christmas is SuperMansion’s unofficial kickoff of a second season, arriving in 2017 on Crackle, that little orange-button app you should get around to trying sometime. The Robot Chicken team didn’t quite nail its debut season—about a senior-citizen stop-motion sub-Avengers—but War on Christmas is a step in the right direction, amping-up the crazy and the cohesiveness for a solid holiday entry. As psycho Santa says, we could all use “the gift of oblivion” right about now.
Fuller House (Friday, Dec. 9, Netflix), season premiere: ’Merica has made plenty of egregious, perverse and downright stoopid decisions this year, but it’s not hyperbole to say our most catastrophic, soul-destroying, Sept.-11-times-100 act of them all was to make Netflix’s Full House reboot Fuller House a hit back in February. This means the laugh-tracked atrocity is back for a second season within the calendar year, further cementing 2016 as just the worst. Bob Saget, John Stamos, Dave Coulier and Lori Laughlin will again recur, because, paychecks, but Fuller House is still about the even-less-interesting next gen of Candace Cameron Bure, Jodi Sweetin and the other one; meanwhile, the Olsen twins remain conspicuously absent. (Yay?) Upside: Another season of this dreck will help fund other Netflix shows like …
White Rabbit Project (Friday, Dec. 9, Netflix), series debut: Missing Mythbusters? Can you say that five times fast? White Rabbit Project re-teams Tori Belleci, Kari Byron and Grant Imahara for a new series deconstructing events from pop culture, science and history—jailbreaks, superpower technology, heists, World War II weaponry and why the hell the Discovery channel fired the Build Team trio from Mythbusters two years ago. (OK, probably not the last one.) Speed, flames, explosions, shots and—it hasn’t been outlawed yet!—science converge for what should be an entertaining, if not educational, ride. Maybe next season they can explain Westworld.
A Christmas Wedding Date (Saturday, Dec. 10, Lifetime), movie: A few years ago, there was an odd wave of original Christmas TV movies wherein stylish, big-city businesswomen who had everything but time for love or the holidays were knocked unconscious, only to later awaken in small towns, relieved of those cumbersome career goals and designer fashions—all while being romanced by a hunky townie with a flannel shirt and carefree stubble. There are not so many such films in 2016, but A Christmas Wedding Date puts a Groundhog Day spin on the story of Rebecca (Marla Sokoloff of The Practice and the immortal Dude, Where’s My Car?), a stylish, big-city businesswoman who gets fired from her corporate job, then returns to her small hometown to attend a friend’s Christmas Eve wedding. Soon, she’s reliving the day over and over again, presumably until she gets her shit together, snags a man and learns The True Meaning of Christmas®. Stray thought: Why has no one pitched a sequel called Dude, Where’s My Christmas? Holiday gold!
Star (Wednesday, Dec. 14, Fox), series debut: This certainly sounds familiar: “Star (Jude Demorest), a tough-as-nails young woman who came up in the foster-care system, tracks down her sister, Simone (Brittany O’Grady), and her Instagram bestie, Alexandra (Ryan Destiny), and together, the trio journeys to Atlanta with the hope of becoming music superstars.” A little TLC, a little Destiny’s Child, a whole lotta Empire (Star is produced by Lee Daniels), as well as a cast that also includes Queen Latifah, Benjamin Bratt and Lenny Kravitz, all adds up to what could be a winter sleeper hit for Fox. The snag: Star relies more on music and heartstring-tugging than the over-the-top soap fireworks of Empire, so it’s going to need more (and better) songs to go the distance. But, then again, they said that about Lenny Kravitz, too.