A scene from Ouija.

Hasbro gets another movie touting one of its products (along with Transformers and Battleship)—and Ouija is by far the worst. I didn’t think that was even possible.

Laine and Debbie (Olivia Cooke and Shelley Hennig) have been playing with a Ouija board since they were kids. As an adult, Debbie plays solo in her house—and winds up dead after hanging herself with a string of plugged-in Christmas lights that, mysteriously, don’t become unplugged under the stress of her weight, but we won’t go into that right now.

Laine and her friends start playing with the Ouija board after Debbie’s death, and they discover that there are spirits living in Debbie’s house; of course, these spirits had something to do with Debbie’s death. Maybe one of them pulled on the middle of the strand of Christmas lights while she was hanging herself, thus relieving some of the tension and preventing the lights from becoming unplugged? Wait, I’m sorry, I pledged not to go into that right now.

The wannabe scares in this PG-13 outing consist of fake-outs and people behind doors—the kind of stuff you’ll see coming if you’ve seen, say, one horror movie in your lifetime. If that is, in fact, true, don’t make this your second horror movie, for you will wind up massively disappointed.

Ouija is playing at theaters across the valley.