I really hate Gangster Squad, even though it has some of my favorite actors in it.

An all-star cast including Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Sean Penn and Josh Brolin play dress-up in this lame, fictional retelling of the Los Angeles war on organized crime in the late 1940s.

Sean Penn plays criminal kingpin Mickey Cohen, who had a pretty crazy life—but you won’t see that life in this dopey movie. Here, Brolin’s cop enlists a group of lawmen to go underground and beat the criminals, and it’s basically all made up.

I’m OK with some artistic license, but this one goes a little too far. It wants to be new Untouchables, but it isn’t nearly as exciting or fascinating. And it boasts terrible performances from the normally reliable Gosling and Penn. They chew the scenery like it was made of their favorite chocolate, and the voice Gosling employs for his part is maddening.

Avoid this at all costs. It’s a dog.

Special Features: There’s a director’s commentary, some deleted scenes and behind-the-scenes stuff that you will hopefully never see, because you will heed my advice and avoid this at all costs.