Plastic Problems: Saving the Earth One Bag at a Time

It isn’t really my bag to write about bags, but it’s not easy being green when you have to answer questions like, “Paper or plastic?”

The Palm Springs Sustainability Commission has been researching the idea of a plastic-bag ban in the city. Dozens of cities and counties across California have already adopted plastic-bag bans, and Palm Springs would be the first city in the desert to follow their lead.

In other cities where a plastic-bag ban is already in place, there is also fee of 10 to 25 cents per paper bag. The idea is that adding a charge for paper-bag use will also help encourage people to switch to reusable bags. The only drawback would be the tendency for reusable bags to harbor bacteria, so the public would have to get into the habit of washing them periodically.

There are a lot of things we can do here in the valley to help the environment, and our large population of senior citizens is just the group we need to help us accomplish this goal. Our country has a history of putting elderly people out to pasture, and this attitude cannot be tolerated. We need to give these seniors a feeling of usefulness so they can continue to contribute to society. The most efficient way to do this would be to replace all the plastic bags with our beloved old bags. There are plenty of old bags in the area who would be more than happy to assist in this effort. There could even be an organization dedicated to making these seniors available to the public called, “Bunch Of Old Bags Interested in Earth’s Survival,” or BOOBIES for short.

If someone needs to go shopping, they can enlist the help of one of these BOOBIES to carry the groceries for them. The BOOBIES would also have a reusable clause in their contract so they can be called upon again and again for their services. However, it would be the shopper’s responsibility to wash these reusable old bags to prevent any bacteria from spreading.

Unfortunately, plastic bags aren’t the only threat to the environment. We also have a severe water shortage here in the desert. There are 66 golf courses in Palm Springs. On average, each consumes more than a million gallons of water per day.

So what can we do about the situation besides asking our local Native Americans to perform a rain dance? The solution lies in raising money to build a reservoir, and there’s no better way to do this than to have a benefit concert.

The Doobie Brothers could perform their hit song “Black Water” for the occasion. While the Doobies are singing, the BOOBIES could pass out bags for donations.

Let’s not forget one of the most important ways to be green. Everyone needs to do their part to save electricity. The desert is the perfect place to utilize solar energy. Our never-ending supply of sunshine makes it a no-brainer. That’s why famous no-brainer George W. Bush should be appointed to assemble a solar panel to study solar panels.

Can you imagine a world with no plastic bags, plenty of fresh water, and unlimited electricity? It may sound like a fairy tale, but as Frank Sinatra would say, “Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you’re young at heart.” That would include all of our young-at-heart old bags, of course.

Lights out.