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Last updateTue, 18 Sep 2018 1pm

Ask a Mexican

23 Jul 2014
Dear Mexican: I am from an Arabic-speaking country. After my education is completed here, I’ll be returning to my country or Kuala Lumpur. Since I’ve been in this country, I’ve noticed there’s a rising tide of hatred toward Mexicans. I’ve talked to Mexicans, and they all say they’re proud to be Mexican. I am curious, sir: Why is it that Mexicans don’t stand up to that corrupt and racist government in Mexico? In my opinion, it’s going to get worse for Mexicans in the United States. I’ve read where there’s a new constitution that has been secretly written; they’re just waiting for the right time to implement it. It’s going to be geared toward a police state. English will be the official language. I’ve asked some people in government about this. Some said there’s a push to revoke the amendment about children of illegals born on American soil. I strongly…
16 Jul 2014
Dear Mexican: During George W. Bush’s administration, there was a lot of talk for and against comprehensive immigration reform. One remark, stated by a Mexican, went something like, “Go back to Europe!” Aren’t Mexicans of European descent also? Hello, colonized by Spain! I thought to myself, “Why don’t you go back to Europe? Unless you are puro indio, your roots from Europe also.” Immigration reform aside, what are your thoughts on going back to Europe? Murrieta Maven Dear Gabacha: Eh, we say that just to show how stupid gabachos yelling, “Go back to Mexico!” sounds. The only Mexicans who truly believe gabachos should head back to Europe are indigenazi types who claim they’re the pureblooded 15th linear descendant of Cuauhtémoc … while sporting facial hair straight from Extremadura. Do Indians mangle Spanish as badly as they do English when you call a tech-support line? What I like about Mexicans is…
09 Jul 2014
Dear Mexican: I noticed that Mexican people don’t generally smoke. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not condoning smoking, but it’s interesting to see how some groups do or do not smoke, and I have yet to see a Mexican person smoke cigarettes. Does the tobacco industry not target Latinos? Fulminating Fumador Dear Gabacho Smoker: American Lung Association stats show that Latinos have the second-lowest rate of smoking among ethnic groups, with only 15.8 percent of Latinos smoking in 2008, compared with 21.3 percent of negritos, and 22 percent of gabachos. In the Latino category, Mexican immigrants had an astoundingly low rate of 11.6 percent. (Chicanos, on the other hand, smoke at a 20.1 percent rate—go, assimilation!) And it’s not a new trend—studies going back to the 1980s cite the low smoking rate of Mexis. The reasons? Catholicism, mostly: The Church forbade smoking back when it ruled Mexico, and the stigma resonates…
02 Jul 2014
Dear Mexican: The tragedy currently playing out on the U.S. southern border has reminded me to once again ask: If the U.S. had sponsored and funded infrastructural, educational, social and economic development in Mexico and Central America from the 1950s through the 1980s in the way the more-prosperous countries of Europe helped the less-prosperous nations of their region to prepare them for membership in the future European Union, would not Mexico and Central America today be considerably more prosperous, healthy, sustainable, and better and safer places to live than they are, with less immigration to the U.S.? Could this be a topic deserving of book-length treatment? Esperando sin Esperanza Dear Waiting Without Hope: Book length? Try light-year length. A massive Marshall Plan-style aid program has been the dream of neoliberals in el gabacho and Latin America since the days of James Monroe, and while it makes sense—better for the U.S.…
25 Jun 2014
Dear Mexican: I think I might be Mexican—but there are some people who might disagree. Being that you are the source of all knowledge mexicano, I thought I might ask you. Here’s the deal: My ancestors left the U.S. in 1847 knowingly, and entered recognized territorio mexicano. The U.S. and Mexico were in the middle of a war. At the end of that war, the U.S. stole the land from Mexico. Pero eso no es mi culpa, pues. Sure, my parents never identified themselves as Mexicans, and most of my ancestors haven’t, either. But just because I am not mestizo doesn’t mean I am any less Mexican right? I mean, if you have to be mestizo, then there are doubts about how full-blooded Salma Hayek is—and everyone knows she is a mexicanaza. Not to mention all those güeros, gabachos and gringos who moved to Mexico in the last century, like…
18 Jun 2014
Dear Mexican: Why do some Mexicans expect us to learn Spanish instead of them learning English? (NOTE: I did say SOME, not most or all!) I’m offended whenever I am ASSAULTED by listening to anything in Spanish on phone menus or when I see it on forms that I have to fill out. It’s even worse to run into someone who I need to talk to, and can’t, because he or she can’t speak our language. (Yes, this has happened to me; it was extremely embarrassing to have to get a female interpreter so I could tell a male janitor about a problem in a men’s restroom that he needed to know about. I never bothered the janitors at that company again.) If Mexicans, or other Central Americans or South Americans, know that they want to come to our country, hopefully legally, they should start to learn English when they…
11 Jun 2014
Dear Mexican: If dark-skinned people are so “undesirable,” unwelcome and put down by you gringos, how come you bake in the sun like zopilotes to get dark? Summer is a fantasy time for all of you, when you can actually get some color in that white skin of yours. Maybe the whole deal about racists is that they hate being white. I would, too! Maybe white angry males are actually latent homosexuals attracted to dark-skinned men! I know for a fact that white women at one point or another fantasize about dark men, and that many more actually convert that fantasy into reality with guys like me. Who wants to go to bed with a pale guy? I don’t think being brown or black is bad after all. Comments? Tall, Handsome, and Dark Dear Wab: You won’t hear any arguments from me about this, but since I’m not versed in…
04 Jun 2014
Dear Mexican: I am a Mexican who owns a successful wholesale liquidation business, which happens to be an industry dominated by Jews, Asians and some gringos. So why does almost everyone, including mexicanos, who visits my warehouse think my business, or any successful business (for that matter), is always owned by a Jew or a gabacho? Can’t a pinche Mexican own a successful business? Just ’cause I’m 5 foot 4, named Armando and don’t look like the typical “business type” and I don’t have a MBA? My customers always assume I’m the sales rep or the forklift operator and ask to speak to the owner or “El Arabe,” and almost always include a statement like, “El dueño es judio, ¿verdad?” Well, no, the damn owner is not judio: soy yo, si este mexicanito es el dueno de esta bodega. Like only Jews can own a business? Like the stupid joke…
28 May 2014
Dear Mexican: While vacationing in Mexico, a couple of times, vendors or waiters have addressed me as chica. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but a Mexican friend of mine back in the U.S. insists that chica is WAY too familiar, and that these guys were insulting me by addressing me in this way. I was a little surprised to hear that, since I think I’m a very respectful person, and wouldn’t have given anyone a reason to disrespect me. What do you think? Were they just being friendly, or taking advantage of my ignorance? Any advice for the next time I get chica-ed? La Chica Blanca Dear Gabacha: While chica isn’t the most formal of expressions (it translates as “girl” in Spanish), it’s hardly the most-insulting Mexican Spanish term a male stranger usually uses to get a woman’s attention. The starting lineup, in devolving order, are…
21 May 2014
Dear Mexican: I’m a half-mexicana, half-gabacha working as an appointment-scheduler in a medical office. I’m one of a handful of schedulers there who speak Spanish. I’ve noticed that about seven to eight times out of 10, when a Spanish-speaking patient calls and gets one of the schedulers who doesn’t speak español, and waits for myself or someone else to call them back, the patient actually speaks English well. Since mi mamá mexicana always told me to never assume someone can’t speak English, I call back speaking in English, and they respond in English. I don’t mind speaking Spanish with any of my patients—in fact, I’m happy I can be of service—but it makes me wonder why would anyone would want to wait and waste precious time to get their health situated by not speaking English (given they have the capability). Some of my patients really need the help, and I…