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Tue12102019

Last updateTue, 18 Sep 2018 1pm

Dear Mexican: I’m an Asian female, and for some time now, I’ve been fascinated by the Mexican culture. I find Mexican males to be very attractive. Their food, language and music are just amazing! How much of a chance do I have dating a Mexican hombre if I’m Asian?

Muchacha China Curiosa

Dear Chinita: Dios mío, are you in luck! Mexican society loves their Asian women—it’s the job-stealing, vice-promoting men we can’t stand.

The beautiful, colorful flowing dress Mexican women wear when dancing baile folklorico is generally called the china poblana, in remembrance of an apocryphal Indian slave from the 17th century. To dress as a china in Mexican popular parlance of the late 1800s meant to dress like a lower-class mujer for the purposes of becoming alluring, like the characterization of the gypsy woman or mulatta in American culture. And even in the present day, we romanticize Asian mujeres, but without the dragon-lady bad vibes gabachos throw in their hot pot of racial desires.

In other words, not only do you have beaucoup chances of dating a Mexican; you’re going to have to beat them back with a bamboo stick. Only drawback? Whether you’re Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean, Burmese or from Macao, you will always, always remain a chinita bonita to your man’s aunts—just ask my ex.

Dear Mexican: I have a Mexican friend who is a roofer. He and his crew are very efficient and do excellent work. I pay them the fair-market price for their labor—the same money I would pay gabacho roofers if they weren’t all fucked up on crystal meth, Wild Turkey, shitty relationships with skanky-ass whores, etc.

My gabacho contractor friends mock me and call me a dumbass for this, but believe it or not, exploiting el cheapo immigrant labor just ain’t my bag. It’s very lonely being me.

So, my question is: Do you, as a Mexican, or taco bender, or pepper belly, think that I’m a dumbass?

Roofer Who Doesn’t Use Roofies To Nail Rucas

Dear Jefe: Dumb ass, you? Can you get me a job, and hire my 15 cousins también?

The problem of Mexican workers in los Estados Unidos getting paid less than their gabacho counterparts has existed since forever, so for you—a gabacho—to not only pay fair wage to Mexicans, but do it in the realm of construction (a 2005 study published by the National Association of Home Builders found that Mexicans not only occupied the lower rungs of the construction industry, but bore the brunt of lower-wage jobs as a result) qualifies usted for folk sainthood status in some rancho in Guanajuato.

Dear Mexican: Maybe your column can address the question of why Mexicans allow so many of their small children to become obese. As a mother of three, I find this to be a heart-rending circumstance. I know healthy food is more expensive (especially if you choose not to garden), but the long-term medical situation (which maybe is not known/appreciated within their community) for their children is obviously grave. You could do a public service in your column.

Grieving Over Ruined Dinner Angst

Dear GORDA: Mexicans allow their kids to get fat for the same reason gabacho and negrito parents do—a lack of exercise, education and healthy eating.

I don’t mean to sound flippant or apologetic for my raza, but black and white kids ain’t exactly Kate Mosses in the world of childhood obesity. According to a 2002 Centers for Disease Control survey done by its NationalCenter for Health Statistics, nearly 40 percent of Mexican-American kiddies ages 6 to 11 are overweight, and 23.7 percent are obese, compared with 35.9/19.5 of negritos and 26.2/11.8 of gabachos in their respective categories.

My public service? Parents: Instead of serving your niños eight Christmas tamales this season, make do with seis and hold back on the second helping of pozole.

Ask the Mexican at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.; be his fan on Facebook; follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano; or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

Published in Ask a Mexican

Here are a few questions I have for the Mexican:

  1. Why are wages so low in Mexico?
  2. Why is Mexico such a violent country?
  3. Why is Mexico so corrupt?
  4. Why have the drug cartels taken over large swaths of Mexico?
  5. Why can’t one drink the water in most towns in Mexico?
  6. Why are there so few public libraries in Mexico?
  7. Why are Mexicans so fat? Mexico is listed as the country with the highest rate of obesity on Earth.
  8. Why is public education in Mexico so miserable and pathetic? In my many years of working there, I have yet to come across a worker who could multiply, divide or read a map.
  9. Why don’t more Mexicans up here go into physical science and engineering?
  10. If you are a Mexican, why are you here? Is it possibly due to 1 through 8 above?

Dickhead in Denver

Dear Gabacho: Answers 1-4 are easy: The United States.

Número five is bullshit—though water quality isn’t pristine in Mexico, it’s not at California levels of scarcity yet. We’d be better if the U.S. didn’t muck up the water in the Rio Grande, steal the water from the Colorado River, and have factories making cheap products headed to the U.S. that use up precious water and foul up the rest of the supply. No. 6 is a flat-out crock of mierda: Mexico has roughly 6,000 public libraries, which averages out to .049 libraries per 1,000 Mexicans—barely below the U.S.’s .052 per 1,000 Americans.

Spare me 7, since the U.S. and Mexico have flip-flopped for the crown of world’s fattest nation for more than a decade now—and it’s all the U.S.’s fault. For No. 8, United States, just for the hell of it. I’m not sure how to answer No. 9, because the same could be said of American students—why else are we importing un chingo of Indians and Chinese? Finally, Mexicans are here to make a better life for themselves—thanks to los Estados Unidos.

I’m writing to ask about an epiphany I had recently about government-sponsored clamors for crackdowns on immigration, especially against members of a certain race/creed/color/ethnic group. It seems to me that whenever there is a cacophony of support for deportation and the closing of our borders coming from the highest offices in the land, there’s also a war going on that’s going rather badly for us. Is this just coincidence, or is there more to it?

A Farewell to GúantanaManzanArms

Dear Pocho: You’re off. World Wars I and II went splendidly for us, but that didn’t stop Americans from demonizing Germans in the Great War and interning Japanese Americans (and more than a few German Americans and Italian Americans) in the Good War. If anything, it’s when wars are going bad for us that the American government makes a push for Mexicans in the military—look at what’s happening during this War on Terror, or during the Vietnam War and the Korean War.

To paraphrase South Park: Call it Operation Get Behind the Beaners.

Ask the Mexican at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.; be his fan on Facebook; follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano; or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

Published in Ask a Mexican