Last updateMon, 20 Apr 2020 1pm

There were sooo many questions at the end of 2015’s Descendants that Descendants 2 (movie, Friday, July 21, Disney) was inevitable … probably. Not being 12, I have no idea. Anyway: Descendants was about impossibly pretty teens who happened to be the offspring of Disney villains being liberated from the Isle of the Lost (aka Bad People Island) and given a chance to live straight in the United States of Auradon (aka Queen Belle and King Beast’s Socialist Utopia). In Descendants 2, one of the rainbow-haired kids (Dove Cameron) gets sick of being “good” and returns to the Isle of the Lost, only to find her old friends resentful for being left behind and/or left out of the Disney merchandising. Also: Singing!

Of all shows, TBS’ Wrecked summed up Ballers (Season 3 premiere Sunday, July 23, HBO) best recently: “Game of Thrones? The best thing on HBO is Ballers! Who doesn’t want to see The Rock as a ripped financial adviser?” Can’t argue with that—how else could this make it to a third season? Sure, the comic interplay between ex-NFL star Spencer (Dwayne Johnson) and his sports-management partner, Joe (Rob Corddry), remains on point, but whenever the camera’s off them—which is far too often—there’s no one else here to give a shit about, just the spoiled athletes and billionaire owners of Sportsball Entourage. At least Steve Guttenberg (!) shows up this season as a Las Vegas casino mogul.

It makes little sense for Insecure (Season 2 premiere Sunday, July 23, HBO) to be paired up with Ballers on Sunday nights: The fact that a pricey, testosterone-jacked sausage fest leads into a low-key indie-flick-esque comedy about an awkward young black woman (Issa Rae) defies logic—but at least it’ll enjoy a larger audience then Sarah Jessica Parker’s downer Divorce delivered in its debut season. Rae’s web-series-turned-TV-comedy is as organic and unpretentious as shows loosely based on their creators get—like Master of None without the high-art diversions, or Atlanta from a less-broke, female perspective. Insecure is utterly unique even in the Peak TV era—check it out, ballers.

When a San Francisco news producer and mom (Paula Patton) suddenly finds herself experiencing a murder-filled week all over again, will she do what it takes to decrease the body count—even if it means making “the ultimate sacrifice”? (Yeah, the mention of “mom” telegraphed what that sacrifice might be from a mile away.) Somewhere Between (series debut Monday, July 24, ABC) is a serial-killer crime drama with a supernatural-ish twist, ripped off from a Korean series and Americanized, replete with the standard-issue block-of-wood husband figure (J.R. Bourne) and sexy-scruffy ex-cop (Devon Sawa) Male Figures. This might make for a decent future binge, but it’s nothing re-live week-to-week.

On the other hand, Midnight, Texas (series debut Monday, July 24, NBC), a fizzy-and-busy fantasy thriller from True Blood-inspiring novelist Charlaine Harris, has Appointment TV potential. Bernado (Francois Arnaud), a psychic on the lam, hides out in the small town of Midnight, a “safe haven for supernaturals” that “sits on the veil between the living and hell,” and befriends the colorful locals, including the usual vampires, witches, werewolves and, most terrifying of all, writers. Midnight, Texas plays like a PG-rated mashup of True Blood and Preacher that takes itself more seriously than it should, but it’s also the most imaginative show any broadcast network is offering up this summer.

Speaking of weird shit going down in small towns, what’s up with People of Earth (Season 2 premiere Monday, July 24, TBS)? Beacon, N.Y., is still in the midst of an oddly casual alien invasion, and the local support group of abductees, or “experiencers,” including journalist Ozzie (Wyatt Cenac), is still trying to make sense of it all. Weird, droll and empathetic all at once, People of Earth is the most complex of TBS’ new wave of original comedies—bring up Search Party, and I will cut you—and the Season 2 arrival of Nasim Pedrad (New Girl, Scream Queens) as an FBI investigator should sweeten the mix even more. The best gag of all: an alien-invasion comedy set in a town called Beacon. Ha!

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After a fall-winter-spring blur of Too Many Shows, you’re thinking to yourself, “Summer is finally here—I can take a break from TV. Praise the Lord!”

Sorry. Your god has abandoned you: Here are 32 new and returning series you’re going to have to watch this summer, because peak TV knows no season.

In the unexpected return of Flaked (Season 2 premiere; Friday, June 2; Netflix), Chip (Will Arnett) heads back to Venice to rehab his ruined Local Hero status, if not his booze problem. Matters are even more dire for the gang on Fear the Walking Dead (Season 3 premiere; Sunday, June 4; AMC), as vigilante Build the Zombie Wall border patrollers won’t allow them to cross back over from Mexico. It could be worse; they could be struggling comedians in 1970s Hollywood—which is the setting for I’m Dying Up Here (series debut; Sunday, June 4; Showtime).

Tim Heidecker re-ups for more ultra-violent spy action in Decker: Unclassified (Season 2 premiere; Sunday, June 4; Adult Swim), while Aussie comic Jim Jefferies takes another stab at ’Merican TV with late-night talker The Jim Jefferies Show (series debut; Tuesday, June 6; Comedy Central). Latina heroine (?) Teresa (Alice Braga) continues her quest to rule the drug trade in Queen of the South (Season 2 premiere; Thursday, June 8; USA), and the ladies of Litchfield are still doing time in Orange Is the New Black (Season 5 premiere; Friday, June 9; Netflix), hackers be damned.

The ragtag crew of ridiculously good-looking intergalactic criminals remain lost in space in Dark Matter (Season 3 premiere; Friday, June 9; Syfy), and TV’s coolest demon hunter is back and gunning for souls in Wynonna Earp (Season 2 premiere; Friday, June 9; Syfy). Meanwhile, the end is near for the Clone Club in the final run of Orphan Black (Season 5 premiere; Saturday, June 10, BBC America), and even nearer for frenemies Billie and Gene in the two-weekend burn-off of Idiotsitter (Season 2 premiere; Saturday, June 10; Comedy Central).

An all-star cast chews scenery and buffs cuticles in new Florida nail-salon dramedy Claws (series debut; Sunday, June 11; TNT), and primetime goes grindhouse with Blood Drive (series debut; Wednesday, June 14, Syfy), about a cross-country death race where the cars run on—what else?—blood. The Mist (series debut; Thursday, June 22; Spike) rolls out more subtle Stephen King-y scares, and the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling finally get their ’80s-spandexed due in the Alison Brie-led docu-comedy GLOW (series debut; Friday, June 23; Netflix).

Fiddy Cent’s nightclubs ’n’ drugs drama Power (Season 4 premiere; Sunday, June 25; Starz) finds kingpin Ghost (Omari Hardwick) caught in the middle of a, yep, power struggle, while Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy finally hit the road looking for God in Preacher (Season 2 premiere; Sunday, June 25; AMC). Liza (Sutton Foster) deals with the fallout of her bestie Kelsey (Hilary Duff) learning her dark, old secret in Younger (Season 4 premiere; Wednesday, June 28; TV Land), and everybody’s favorite ragtag trio of ridiculously good-looking interplanetary bounty hunters gear up to fight the good-ish fight in Killjoys (Season 3 premiere; Friday, June 30; Syfy).

John Singleton’s Snowfall (series debut; Wednesday, July 5; FX) dramatizes the crack-cocaine epidemic of ’80s Los Angeles, while modernized period piece Will (series debut; Monday, July 10; TNT) juices the legend of a young William Shakespeare as he arrives in the, wait for it, “punk-rock theatre scene of 16th century London.” Back in the present, a pair of college eggheads break it to the White House that an asteroid is six months away from mercifully colliding with Earth in Salvation (series debut; Wednesday, July 12; CBS).

Game of Thrones … yeah, nothing more needs to be said here (Season 7 premiere; Sunday, July 16; HBO). In the final stretch of The Strain (Season 4 premiere; Sunday, July 16; FX), nuclear winter is in full effect; the Strigoi vampires have seized the planet; and our heroes are down for the count—but are they, really? Meanwhile, Ballers (Season 3 premiere; Sunday, July 23; HBO) and Insecure (Season 2 premiere; Sunday, July 23; HBO) are paired up for the most incongruent HBO hour ever, while Midnight, Texas (series debut; Monday, July 24; NBC) takes Charlaine Harris’ supernatural novels for a TV spin.

Would you believe … Sharknado 5 (movie premiere; Sunday, Aug. 6; Syfy)? Marvel’s The Defenders (series debut; Friday, Aug. 18; Netflix) finally brings together Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage and Iron Fist for a dysfunctional superhero team-up, while the 21st go-round of South Park (season 21 premiere; Wednesday, Aug. 23; Comedy Central) attempts to find the funny in Trump’s America—if he’s still in office at that point. Fortunately, Abbi and Ilana drop the long-long-long-awaited comeback of Broad City (Season 4 premiere; Wednesday, Aug. 23; Comedy Central), and the new take on The Tick (series debut; Friday, Aug. 25; Amazon Prime) may reunify the country, after all. Spoon!

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