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Syfy will be “rebranded” as a—get this—science-fiction channel on June 19; never mind that it was once upon a time actually called the Sci-Fi Channel. If you think that’s confusing, get ready for the return of Dark Matter (Season 3 premiere Friday, June 9, Syfy), everyone’s favorite show about amnesiac intergalactic criminals/models. The hook of the series is the gradual unveiling of each Raza crew member’s true identities as they hurtle through space, alternately solving and causing crises. The story doesn’t always make sense, but the actors (particularly Melissa O’Neil—2005 winner of Canadian Idol!) sell the drama and the action like there’s no tomorrow (not a cliffhanger spoiler … as far as you know).

Back on Earth in the supernatural tsunami of Purgatory (lovely name for a town), Wynonna Earp (Season 2 premiere Friday, June 9, Syfy) finds the demon-hunting great-great-granddaughter of Wyatt facing a whole new set of threats: Since no one built a wall to make Purgatory great again, the Ghost River Triangle is wide open and flooding the county with a fresh batch of demons, ghosts and lord knows what else. Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano) exudes Jessica Jones-like swagger, but the IDW Comics-based series is less angsty and more Buffy—when the demonic terror and violence subside, Wynonna Earp is the funniest show on Syfy (sorry, Z Nation). All this, and a hot, immortal Doc Holliday? Watch, already.

Last year, Jillian Bell and Charlotte Newhouse debuted Idiotsitter (Season 2 premiere Saturday, June 10, Comedy Central), a hilarious, flipped-to-female Workaholics of sorts that looked like another Comedy Central one-and-done. But! Idiotsitter is back for a second season, and broke “baby sitter” Billie (Newhouse) and heiress “idiot” Gene (Bell) are now off to college. However! After mysteriously pulling the season premiere from its April schedule, Comedy Central has decided that Idiotsitter is a two-and-through and will be burning off all seven episodes over a couple of summer weekends. Sad! Guess having more than two female-fronted shows (Broad City, Another Period) was just too much for CC.

A whole lotta women chew scenery and buff cuticles in new Florida nail-salon dramedy Claws (series debut Sunday, June 11, TNT), another plain-folk-dabbling-in-crime tale with an impressive cast, including Niecy Nash (Scream Queens), Carrie Preston (True Blood), Jenn Lyon (Justified), Judy Reyes (Scrubs), Karrueche Tran (The Nice Guys), Harold Perrineau (Lost) and Dean Norris (Breaking Bad). Claws’ sheer volume of colorful characters (example: Norris plays “Uncle Daddy, a dangerous Dixie Mafia crime boss who is deeply Catholic and actively bisexual”) nearly overwhelms the nails-and-drugs-and-money-laundering narrative, but a surprisingly grounded Nash keeps the drama in check.

Following Fox’s “We’ve Given Up on Summer” lead that launched cheap-and-dumb reality fillers Beat Shazam and Love Connection, ABC cedes Sunday nights with a trifecta of tripe: Celebrity Family Feud, Steve Harvey’s Funderdome and The $100,000 Pyramid (premieres Sunday, June 11, ABC). You’re probably familiar with Celebrity Family Feud and The $100,000 Pyramid, as they’re just terrible ’70s game shows (barely) re-imagined for modern morons, but what the hell is Steve Harvey’s Funderdome? It’s Shark Tank, but with a live audience voting to fund useless inventions instead of actual business experts. Remember the memo: “Do NOT engage or make direct eye contact with Mr. Harvey!”

If, like me, you’ve been waiting for a Death Race 2000: The Series or a Grindhouse Cannonball Run, like, forever, rejoice! Blood Drive (series debut Wednesday, June 14, Syfy) is finally here! Even better, it’s a cross-country death race wherein the cars run on blood! “Soaked in high-octane chaos and just barely approved for television” (oh, Syfy), Blood Drive follows ex-cop Arthur (Alan Ritchson) and trigger-happy Grace (Christina Ochoa), who are forced to partner up in the race across an environmentally ravaged ’Merica in the “distant future” of 1999 (just go with it). In the summer of WTF TV (Twin Peaks, American Gods, etc.), Blood Drive is a pedal-to-the-metal standout. I just may buy into this “rebrand,” Syfy.

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After a fall-winter-spring blur of Too Many Shows, you’re thinking to yourself, “Summer is finally here—I can take a break from TV. Praise the Lord!”

Sorry. Your god has abandoned you: Here are 32 new and returning series you’re going to have to watch this summer, because peak TV knows no season.

In the unexpected return of Flaked (Season 2 premiere; Friday, June 2; Netflix), Chip (Will Arnett) heads back to Venice to rehab his ruined Local Hero status, if not his booze problem. Matters are even more dire for the gang on Fear the Walking Dead (Season 3 premiere; Sunday, June 4; AMC), as vigilante Build the Zombie Wall border patrollers won’t allow them to cross back over from Mexico. It could be worse; they could be struggling comedians in 1970s Hollywood—which is the setting for I’m Dying Up Here (series debut; Sunday, June 4; Showtime).

Tim Heidecker re-ups for more ultra-violent spy action in Decker: Unclassified (Season 2 premiere; Sunday, June 4; Adult Swim), while Aussie comic Jim Jefferies takes another stab at ’Merican TV with late-night talker The Jim Jefferies Show (series debut; Tuesday, June 6; Comedy Central). Latina heroine (?) Teresa (Alice Braga) continues her quest to rule the drug trade in Queen of the South (Season 2 premiere; Thursday, June 8; USA), and the ladies of Litchfield are still doing time in Orange Is the New Black (Season 5 premiere; Friday, June 9; Netflix), hackers be damned.

The ragtag crew of ridiculously good-looking intergalactic criminals remain lost in space in Dark Matter (Season 3 premiere; Friday, June 9; Syfy), and TV’s coolest demon hunter is back and gunning for souls in Wynonna Earp (Season 2 premiere; Friday, June 9; Syfy). Meanwhile, the end is near for the Clone Club in the final run of Orphan Black (Season 5 premiere; Saturday, June 10, BBC America), and even nearer for frenemies Billie and Gene in the two-weekend burn-off of Idiotsitter (Season 2 premiere; Saturday, June 10; Comedy Central).

An all-star cast chews scenery and buffs cuticles in new Florida nail-salon dramedy Claws (series debut; Sunday, June 11; TNT), and primetime goes grindhouse with Blood Drive (series debut; Wednesday, June 14, Syfy), about a cross-country death race where the cars run on—what else?—blood. The Mist (series debut; Thursday, June 22; Spike) rolls out more subtle Stephen King-y scares, and the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling finally get their ’80s-spandexed due in the Alison Brie-led docu-comedy GLOW (series debut; Friday, June 23; Netflix).

Fiddy Cent’s nightclubs ’n’ drugs drama Power (Season 4 premiere; Sunday, June 25; Starz) finds kingpin Ghost (Omari Hardwick) caught in the middle of a, yep, power struggle, while Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy finally hit the road looking for God in Preacher (Season 2 premiere; Sunday, June 25; AMC). Liza (Sutton Foster) deals with the fallout of her bestie Kelsey (Hilary Duff) learning her dark, old secret in Younger (Season 4 premiere; Wednesday, June 28; TV Land), and everybody’s favorite ragtag trio of ridiculously good-looking interplanetary bounty hunters gear up to fight the good-ish fight in Killjoys (Season 3 premiere; Friday, June 30; Syfy).

John Singleton’s Snowfall (series debut; Wednesday, July 5; FX) dramatizes the crack-cocaine epidemic of ’80s Los Angeles, while modernized period piece Will (series debut; Monday, July 10; TNT) juices the legend of a young William Shakespeare as he arrives in the, wait for it, “punk-rock theatre scene of 16th century London.” Back in the present, a pair of college eggheads break it to the White House that an asteroid is six months away from mercifully colliding with Earth in Salvation (series debut; Wednesday, July 12; CBS).

Game of Thrones … yeah, nothing more needs to be said here (Season 7 premiere; Sunday, July 16; HBO). In the final stretch of The Strain (Season 4 premiere; Sunday, July 16; FX), nuclear winter is in full effect; the Strigoi vampires have seized the planet; and our heroes are down for the count—but are they, really? Meanwhile, Ballers (Season 3 premiere; Sunday, July 23; HBO) and Insecure (Season 2 premiere; Sunday, July 23; HBO) are paired up for the most incongruent HBO hour ever, while Midnight, Texas (series debut; Monday, July 24; NBC) takes Charlaine Harris’ supernatural novels for a TV spin.

Would you believe … Sharknado 5 (movie premiere; Sunday, Aug. 6; Syfy)? Marvel’s The Defenders (series debut; Friday, Aug. 18; Netflix) finally brings together Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage and Iron Fist for a dysfunctional superhero team-up, while the 21st go-round of South Park (season 21 premiere; Wednesday, Aug. 23; Comedy Central) attempts to find the funny in Trump’s America—if he’s still in office at that point. Fortunately, Abbi and Ilana drop the long-long-long-awaited comeback of Broad City (Season 4 premiere; Wednesday, Aug. 23; Comedy Central), and the new take on The Tick (series debut; Friday, Aug. 25; Amazon Prime) may reunify the country, after all. Spoon!

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Idiotsitter (Thursday, April 6, Comedy Central), season premiere: If you somehow made it through the 2016 “holiday” flick Office Christmas Party, you must concur that Jillian Bell’s bipolar she-pimp character was the funniest part of the movie—really, you must. Earlier in 2016, Bell and comedy partner Charlotte Newhouse dropped the debut season of Idiotsitter, a hilarious, flipped-to-female Workaholics of sorts that looked to be another Comedy Central one-and-done (see also, 2015’s genius Big Time in Hollywood, FL). But! Idiotsitter is back for a second season, and broke “baby sitter” Billie (Newhouse) and heiress “idiot” Gene (Bell) are now off to college. Despite what the Ghostbusters trolls told you, 2016 was a fantastic year for women in comedy—on-demand Idiotsitter Season 1 now, and report back.

You the Jury (Friday, April 7, Fox), series debut: Was Fox News host Jeanine Pirro’s recent spanking of House Speaker Paul Ryan merely a publicity stunt to promote You the Jury, the new legal-reality show she’s presiding over? Since Justice With Judge Jeanine airs in the dead zone of Saturday-night cable, and only your red-cap-sportin’ grandpa knows who the hell she is, probably. And this show seems no less cynical: “The new unscripted series You the Jury will give the biggest jury pool in history—America—the power to decide the outcome of some of the most explosive, real-life, ripped-from-the-headline civil cases,” pitches Fox. “Six top attorneys who’ve represented some of the nation’s biggest celebrities will argue their cases each week for America’s vote.” Via text, of course, as American Litigation Idol brings us one step closer to the dystopia we deserve.

The Son (Saturday, April 8, AMC), series debut: Speaking of the Saturday-night cable dead zone, here’s another Western from AMC to fill that Hell on Wheels void: The Son, based on Philipp Meyer’s novel of the same name, chronicles the rise of Texas oil tycoon Eli McCullough (Pierce Brosnan) by focusing on two time periods, 1849 and 1915. In the earlier timeline, you get Young Eli (Jacob Lofland) being kidnapped and held captive by Comanches; in the later, you get Brosnan in full Texan mode being a hardline bastard in business and a plain ol’ bastard to his children, who each have their own drama. There’s also an uneasy tension with a Spanish family who occupies the land between McCullough’s and Mexico … and, as you may gather, the uneasy tension of cramming a 576-page Western epic into 10 episodes.

The Gorburger Show (Sunday, April 9, Comedy Central), series debut: Great news for those sick of late-night talk shows hosted by white dudes: The Gorburger Show is hosted by a blue alien (puppeteered and voiced by white dude T.J. Miller, but still). After taking over a Japanese variety show and making slaves of its staff, alien Gorburger “settles in as host in an attempt to understand what it means to be human.” The Gorgburber Show, which sprang from an online series, borrows from tweaked talkers like The Eric Andre Show and Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, but never fully commits to the bit. It doesn’t help that Miller’s frequently upstaged by his guests—which could be by design, but I’ve already overanalyzed this show that costs maybe $150 to produce.

Better Call Saul (Monday, April 10, AMC), season premiere: Yeah, yeah—I know: “But I can’t watch Season 3 yet, because Season 2 just came out on Netflix two weeks ago! I don’t have cable, anyway—I only watch shows when they’re on Netflix, so can you puh-leez refrain from dropping any spoilers for, like, a year? And will you remind me when Season 3 comes to Netflix, because Netflix, Netflix, NETFLIX!” Do you realize what a pain in the ass it is to review TV for you cord-cutters? Anyway: Season 3 of Breaking Bad prequel Better Call Saul picks up immediately where the last left off, with Chuck (Michael McKean) plotting to take down brother Jimmy/Saul (Bob Odenkirk) with a secretly taped confession. As for the much-geeked-about introduction of Bad villain Gus Fring (Giancarlo Esposito), like everything else, BCS is in no hurry to get there. Just like you and your Netflix.

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May is mostly a dead zone of season finales and reruns as TV gears up for the summer. (There’s no off-season anymore; get used to it.) But! Remember all those shows I’ve told you to watch harder in this very column? You know, the shows that are all readily available in various on-demand forms? Now’s the time to catch up! Here’s 12 to start with:

Wynonna Earp (Syfy): Wynonna Earp (Melanie Scrofano) is a modern-day descendent of Old West gunslinger Wyatt Earp, who was also a supernatural demon hunter (just roll with it), and she’s back in town to re-smite evil souls (or Revenants). It’s all true enough to the comic-book source, and Scrofano is a likable combo of badass and goofball.

Orphan Black (BBC America): In Season 4 of tense clone-soap Orphan Black, Sarah (Tatiana Maslany) investigates Beth, the deceased sister-clone whose identity she stole at the beginning of the series, as well as the origins of the clone conspiracy. Also, there are more clones, upping Maslany’s character load for the season to eight (and still no Emmy).

Hap and Leonard (Sundance): Hap and Leonard is a six-episode tale about ’80s Texans Hap (James Purefoy) and Leonard (Michael K. Williams), a pair of luckless laborers dragged into a get-rich-suspiciously-easy scheme by Hap’s ex-wife (Christina Hendricks). The plan soon spirals into a cacophony of conflicting agendas and colorful characters, with Fargo-like comic-to-violent jolts.

Idiotsitter (Comedy Central): An unemployed Ivy Leaguer (Charlotte Newhouse) takes a baby-sitting job—but the “baby” turns out to be an adult wild-child heiress (Jillian Bell) under house arrest. As the series progresses (or regresses), it’s clear that Bell and Newhouse can do stoopid repartee almost as well as the Broad City ladies. All this, and a Channing Tatum cameo!

Baskets (FX): Chip Baskets (Zach Galifianakis), having flunked out of a prestigious French clown academy, returns to uncultured ’Merica to be a rodeo clown—and then it gets weird. (Chip’s mom is Louie Anderson in drag, for just one example.) Baskets is a funny-to-sad-to-funnier-to-sadder commentary on artistic failure and Western decline, but don’t be afraid.

Better Call Saul (AMC): Better Call Saul continues to be a minor-miracle follow-up to, and expansion on, Breaking Bad in a flawless second season, further transforming small-time lawyer Slippin’ Jimmy McGill (Bob Odenkirk) into medium-time legal shark Saul Goodman. Even better, Rhea Seehorn, Michael McKean and Jonathan Banks get equal time to shine.

Banshee (Cinemax): Season 4 will be the last for this gritty slice of Amish-country crime noir, so there’s hope for eventually catching up on Banshee. The twisted tale of an ex-con/thief (Antony Starr) who assumes the identity of Sheriff Lucas Hood in the small town of Banshee, Pa., has taken many a bizarre turn, but the outcome is always the same (and bloody).

Vinyl (HBO): Vinyl is as excessive and beautiful as you’d expect a collaboration between Martin Scorsese, Terence Winter and Mick Jagger to be, mixing Almost Famous’ music-saves earnestness with Velvet Goldmine’s visceral glam bombast and Boogie Nights’ druggy chaos—and cranking it to 11 in 1974 NYC. It’s not perfect, but neither is rock ’n’ roll.

The Detour (TBS): Jason Jones (The Daily Show) and Natalie Zea (Justified) star as harried parents on a family road-trip where everything that could possibly go wrong does—spectacularly. Sound like National Lampoon’s Vacation? It is, but far funnier than last year’s limp Vacation reboot—and usually dramatic Zea is a comedic revelation.

Billions (Showtime): Damian Lewis (as a charismatic hedge-fund billionaire) and Paul Giamatti (as a troubled U.S. attorney) churn bluster and testosterone Acting! against each other, but they’re not Billions’ most interesting players: Maggie Siff, as a psychiatrist-turned-performance-coach with an invisible, spooky command, could lead this series on her own.

Teachers (TV Land): Teachers is a part of TV Land’s makeover from reheated sitcom repository to smart comedy destination, and six-woman improv troupe The Katydids (their first names are all variations on “Katherine”) gender-flip Super Troopers into an elementary school, dosed with Broad City’s fearless, vanity-free pursuit of so-wrong laughs.

Not Safe With Nikki Glaser (Comedy Central): Comic Nikki Glaser gets right down to topics like “losing your virginity, masturbation and putting stuff in your butt!” Not Safe is a sex-and-relationships talk show with fellow-comedian gab and pre-taped bits—it’s been done before, but Glaser has the smarts and presence to rise to the level of Amy Schumer.

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Colony (Thursday, Jan. 14, USA), series debut: Throw yet another quality log on the There’s Too Much TV fire—and from USA, of all places. (One season of Mr. Robot doesn’t make ’em a prestige network just yet.) Set in a dystopian near-future … wait, come back! … Colony stars Josh Holloway (Lost) as a hunky ex-FBI agent torn between aiding the mysterious alien overlords’ Earth minions in keeping a lid—literally—on Los Angeles (for the strong-armed safety of his family), and remaining with his fellow facial-hair enthusiasts in The Resistance. (There’s always a Resistance.) The setup is naggingly familiar (not just in futuristic sci-fi, but also the recent Nazi-retro Man in the High Castle), but Holloway and co-star Sarah Wayne Callies (The Walking Dead) sell it convincingly, and the impressive special effects suggest that NBCUniversal didn’t blow all of its money on Syfy’s The Expanse, or on the hairspray budget of NBC’s Telenovela.

Idiotsitter (Thursday, Jan. 14, Comedy Central), series debut: An unemployed Ivy Leaguer (Charlotte Newhouse) breaks down and takes a baby-sitting job—but the “baby” turns out to be an adult wild-child heiress (Jillian Bell) under house arrest in the mansion owned by her parents (Stephen Root and Jennifer Elise Cox). It only sounds like a super-niche Web series because it was: Bell and Newhouse originally created Idiotsitter for Comedy Central’s digital CC: Studios in 2014. It doesn’t arrive as fully realized as fellow web expat Broad City once did, but Idiotsitter is probably the best comedic companion that the equally juvenile Workaholics (which drops Season 6 right before it) has ever had.

Angie Tribeca (Sunday, Jan. 17, TBS), series debut: Despite a confusing rollout plan (a 10-episode Season 1 marathon premieres tonight, then repeats for 20 hours, followed by “Season 2,” premiering Jan. 25), not to mention confusing-er commercials that portray the comedy as a dead-serious crime procedural, Angie Tribeca is the original series that finally delivers on TBS’ ancient “Very Funny” promise. (OK, the new series that finally delivers—Conan and American Dad were technically hand-me-downs.) Unlike relatively realistic cop comedies Brooklyn Nine-Nine and CSI: Cyber, Angie Tribeca (starring Parks and Recreation’s Rashida Jones as the titular detective) embraces the full-tilt farce of ’80s classics like The Naked Gun and Sledge Hammer!, where nothing’s too silly. (She works for the Really Heinous Crimes Unit, and her partner is named Jay Geils, another sly ’80s reference.) Another Angie Tribeca victory for comedy: TBS’ marathon will displace more than a few Big Bang Theory reruns.

Billions (Sunday, Jan. 17, Showtime), series debut: Headliners Damian Lewis (as charismatic and arrogant hedge-fund billionaire Bobby “Axe” Axelrod) and Paul Giamatti (as principled and troubled U.S. Attorney Chuck Rhoades) churn plenty of bluster and testosterone Acting! As! Hard! as they can against each other—but they’re not Billions’ most interesting players. Maggie Siff, who’s held her own alongside alpha males before in Sons of Anarchy and Mad Men, plays Chuck’s wife, Wendy, a psychiatrist-turned-performance coach who helped Bobby build his empire and has an invisible, spooky command over everyone around her; she could lead this series on her own. Likewise, Malin Akerman, as Bobby’s wife, Lara, turns in a surprising performance that flips from sweet to Satan incarnate with the bat of an eye. The heart of Billions is the righteous, macho clash between the men, and how their dichotomous personalities (Bobby may not actually be a bad guy, while Chuck sometimes comes off like a supervillain with kinky sex habits) fuel the fire, but keep an eye on the women.

Just Jillian (Tuesday, Jan. 19, E!), series debut: There was absolutely no need nor demand for a reality series centered around fitness-magnate Jillian Michaels, her partner and their kids, but that’s the genre E! is doubling-down on in 2016: Inconsequential Fluff Posing as Important Stuff. They’re lesbians! They’re parents! They’re as spontaneously wacky as the next tightly scripted family with a TV crew! Who cares? Do we really need another one of these shows? While Just Jillian is blissfully free of Kardashians, and certainly less dangerous to the health of TV ’Merica than The Biggest Loser, it’s just as empty and useless as the other lesbian E! series that precedes it, Total Divas. Wait … the Divas aren’t lesbians? Then what’s the point of that show? I’m so lost without The Soup

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