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Last updateFri, 16 Sep 2016 12pm

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Friday, May 19, Netflix), season premiere: Where will the perkiest TV character ever created (cartoons included) go in Season 3? Now that she has her post-doomsday-cult-imprisonment GED, Kimmy (Ellie Kemper) is entering higher education: “After high school, most white girls go to college,” explains Kimmy’s landlady, Lillian (Carol Kane). Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt will also welcome back everybody’s favorite cult leader and No. 1 draft pick for his own spinoff series, Richard Wayne Gary Wayne (Jon Hamm), as well as guest stars like Ray Liotta, Laura Dern, jinx killer Robert Durst (actually, Fred Armisen) and Beyonce (actually, Titus Burgess). We’ll also learn that Jaqueline (Jane Krakowski) attended Trump University, which makes sooo much sense. Still full of heart, Kimmy is as weird, warm and hilarious as ever.

12 Monkeys (Friday, May 19, Syfy), season premiere: Before the 2016-17 TV season’s onslaught of time-travel shows (Timeless, Time After Time, Making History, all of which have been canceled), there was Syfy’s 12 Monkeys. There was also Doctor Who, but there’s always been Doctor Who. Anyway: 12 Monkeys, based on the 1995 movie of the same name, doesn’t so much replicate the Bruce Willis/Brad Pitt classic as warp the hell out of it, with Cole (Aaron Stanford) expanding on Willis’ stop-the-apocalypse tenacity, while Goines (show-stealer Emily Hampshire) takes Pitt’s mental patient to giddy new levels. Season 3 will be the final chapter for 12 Monkeys, and Syfy is blowing out all 10 episodes over three nights—I’d suggest a Hulu binge of the first two seasons before sending off the TV Time Travel Trend. Except Doctor Who, because, Doctor Who.

Twin Peaks (Sunday, May 21, Showtime), return: Sure, it seems like you’ve been reading/ignoring this TV column forever, but it didn’t even exist during the original 1990-91 run of Twin Peaks—no, really! David Lynch’s long-long-long-awaited Showtime revival takes place 25 years later, consists of 18 episodes, features 200 characters, and … that’s about all anyone knows. The new Twin Peaks hasn’t been shown to critics, and Lynch and co-creator Mark Frost have been tight with details beyond name-dropping guest stars (Laura Dern, Ashley Judd, Tim Roth, Naomi Watts and Robert Forster among them). This Pacific Northwest bizarre-noir was too much for ’90s television to handle, and even after dozens of subsequent rip-offs (sorry, “homages”), no one should doubt Lynch’s ability to push the envelope on Showtime. Now, where’s the pie?

Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter (Monday, May 22, Adult Swim), season premiere: Now that Neon Joe (Jon Glaser) has exacted revenge upon his father, defeated the evil Cybots and retired from the werewolf hunting game (see how much you missed in Season 1?), he can finally realize his lifelong dream: opening his own tiki bar, Oahu Joe’s. But, before you can say “Heyup!” Joe’s pulled back into supernatural danger to take on a rival werewolf hunter, billionaire playboy Plaid Jeff (Godfrey, Steven Universe). Glaser’s eye-patched mercenary with an incomprehensible Cajun accent may be one of the most ridiculous Adult Swim characters ever, but at least he’s concise: Neon Joe’s second season is only five episodes long, running nightly and wrapping up on Friday. Jason Sudeikis (R.I.P., Son of Zorn) shows up in the premiere, not that you needed to be sold harder.

The Fox News Specialists (Weekdays, Fox News), new series: Weird times at Fox News: Bill O’Reilly’s out; Tucker Carlson keeps failing upward; Jesse Watters somehow still has a job after dropping an Ivanka Trump blowjob joke; on and on. And now there’s The Fox News Specialists, a new weekday talker hosted by personality free stalk of celery Eric Bolling, too-smart-for-any-room-but-especially-this-one Eboni Williams, and my personal favorite Fox News floater, National Review reporter Katherine Timpf (also a regular on The Greg Gutfeld Show, the best thing to happen to Saturday nights since blackout bingeing). The trio are joined daily by two “specialists” on … something … making five—but not The Five, which is a different Fox News show. It all adds up to an even more pointless waste of airtime than Fox and Friends, bringing less to the news cycle than a waterskiing squirrel. Just lock down Tomi Lahren and Milo Yiannopoulos and launch Live! With Tomi and Milo! already.

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Portlandia (Thursdays, IFC), new season: One of the selling points of Portlandia has always been that if you don’t like one sketch, there’s another coming along in a minute. In Season 5, Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein are going a different route and spending a whole episode with one pair of characters. (Last week’s premiere focused on feminist bookstore owners Toni and Candace; tonight’s ep is about Lance and Nina—you know, with Brownstein as the mustached dude, and Armisen as the needy girlfriend.) Change is good, but this setup is probably going to be stretched thin over 10 episodes … though I’d totally watch 30 minutes of frequent guest star Annie Clark (St. Vincent) facing off against Armisen’s gearhead Studio Guy.

World’s Funniest Fails (Friday, Jan. 16, Fox), series debut: Why, Terry Crews, why? Is the covert comedy weapon of Brooklyn Nine-Nine stooping to host an Internet clip show in the Fox dead zone of Friday night (the final season of Glee is also here, by the way) under corporate duress? Flex twice for yes, Terry! If you’re unfamiliar with the little thing known as The Entirety of Cable, World’s Funniest Fails features comedians you’ve never heard of making withering, snarky pop-up comments on YouTube videos. For an hour. Your mom with the AOL account will love it.

12 Monkeys (Friday, Jan. 16, Syfy), series debut: The 1995 Terry Gilliam film is a sci-fi classic, and Syfy’s 12 Monkeys wisely doesn’t attempt to replicate it, and instead creates a new(ish) story within the framework. Aaron Stanford (Nikita) plays Cole, a time-traveler from the, natch, post-apocalyptic future of 2043, sent back on a mission to stop the Army of the 12 Monkeys terrorist group from unleashing a virus that kills 7 billion people. That’s about it for the similarities; this 12 Monkeys is grittier (read: cheaper) and faster-paced than the movie, and Stanford is even less Bruce Willis-y than Emily Hampshire (as mental patient Goines) is Brad Pitt-y. The series also doesn’t slow down to explain the ins and outs of time travel much, because there are only 13 episodes, and Syfy figures you’re already hip to properly-spelled sci-fi. Combined with the similarly-apocalyptic Helix (which also returns tonight), welcome to Fatal Fridays. (See photo below.)

Togetherness (Sundays, HBO), new series: Critics love Duplass brothers (Jay and Mark; the latter you’d recognize from The League) movies—not necessarily this critic, but other critics. Their new HBO midlife-crisis dramedy Togetherness inhabits the same subdued, intimate world of their films—I’m not invoking the term “mumblecore” here—with Mark and Melanie Lynskey as an over-it married couple who let his unemployed actor friend (Steve Zissis) and her chronically single sister (Amanda Peet) move into their home, because, hey, does anything really matter anymore? Just pour the wine. Togetherness is an odd fit between Girls and Looking on Sundays, but it’s worth tracking to see if these characters ever escape their respective funks.

The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore (Monday, Jan. 19, Comedy Central), series debut: You may be wondering, “Why isn’t it called The Minority Report?” Originally, the Colbert Report replacement starring Daily Show “Senior Black Correspondent” Larry Wilmore was going to be titled as such, but then Fox announced that it was considering producing a TV series based on the 2002 movie of the same name, leading Comedy Central to say, “Screw it, just call it The Nightly Show,” which clicks nicely with lead-in The Daily Show. At least it’s better than the other title that was in the running, Battlefield Earth With Larry Wilmore. (See a promo clip below.)

Justified (Tuesday, Jan. 20, FX), season premiere: The endgame of Raylan (Timothy Olyphant) in the … sigh … final season of Justified, home of the best dialogue on TV, is to bring down frenemy Boyd (Walton Goggins) once and for all, using the love of Boyd’s life, Ava (Joelle Carter)—obviously, it’s going to get messy. Raylan and Boyd’s Roadrunner/Coyote dance isn’t the only drama afoot in Harlan, however: Dixie Mafia heads Katherine Hale (Mary Steenbergen) and Wynn Duffy (Jere Burns) are plotting a multimillion-dollar robbery—to be carried out by Boyd—and there are some new heavies in town stirring up trouble (guest power-players Garret Dillahunt, Jeff Fahey and Sam Elliott—sans ‘stache!). But with all of this coming down the pike, the biggest surprise of the Season 6 opener, “Fate’s Right Hand,” is a sad, touching performance from previously written-off hillbilly Dewey Crowe (Damon Herriman). Sons of Anarchy was tough, but Justified is the FX loss that’s really going to sting.

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