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Last updateTue, 18 Sep 2018 1pm

After Zeptember comes Rocktober—not, repeat, not, Trucktober or any other “-tober” extrapolation. Those are consumer market mind-control operations perpetuated by the Deep State government, aka the alien lizard people who run the planet. If you listened to my short-wave radio show, you’d know this already.

Anyway: The scripted rock ’n’ roll TV series has been attempted many a time, but few ever crack the two-season mark. This makes sense, because rock that goes on and on for an interminable amount time just devolves into “progressive” or “jam” (both also evil creations of the lizard people), and no one needs that.

Here are 11 rock ’n’ roll series to stream in honor of Rocktober:

Metalocalypse (Seasons 1-4 on Amazon and iTunes)

One of the rare exceptions to the two-season rule, Brendon Small’s Metalocalypse thrashed on Adult Swim from 2006 to 2013, chronicling the exploits of death-metal superstars Dethklok. The band members may be morons, but they rule the world and throw down insanely brutal grooves that concert attendees only occasionally survive. The heaviest show ever.

Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll (Seasons 1-2 on Hulu)

Denis Leary’s 2015-16 comedy Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll is the Spinal Tap-esque tale of The Heathens, a notoriously volatile ’90s rock band who released their debut album and broke up on the same day. Twenty-odd years later, they reform with the help of Leary’s young rocker daughter (Elizabeth Gillies); egomaniacal hilarity ensues. SDRR isn’t a thinker, but it is rock ’n’ roll.

Vinyl (Season 1 on HBO Go and Amazon)

One-season wonder Vinyl presented a skewed dramatization of New York’s ’70s rock scene that didn’t quite nail the take—even with Martin Scorsese, Terence Winter and Mick Jagger producing, it wasn’t excessive enough. It’s still a fun ride, though, with faux New York Dolls and Velvet Underground stand-ins, and glimpses of the Boogie Nights greatness that could have been.

Flight of the Conchords (Seasons 1-2 on HBO Go and Amazon)

After 22 perfect episodes between 2007 and 2009, New Zealanders Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie quit their very-loosely autobiographical HBO series Flight of the Conchords, because writing music and comedy was too much work—what do you people expect of a musical comedy duo? Kanye West could only dream of creating a jam like “Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros.”

Garfunkel and Oates (Season 1 on Amazon)

Comedy duo Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci’s 2014 IFC series Garfunkel and Oates was sold short on arrival as a “female Flight of the Conchords,” which doesn’t do it justice: G&O is also dirty AF. Not to mention educational: “The Loophole” teaches young girls that anal sex is cool with Jesus, while “Weed Card” should be an anthem for medical marijuana. Women ahead of their time.

Roadies (Season 1 on Amazon)

It should have worked: Cameron Crowe (Almost Famous) made a 2016 tribute to the rock ’n’ roll lifestyle of touring starring Luke Wilson, Carla Gugino, Luis Guzmán and Imogen Poots; featuring drop-ins by Eddie Vedder, Lindsey Buckingham, Jim James and Gary Clark Jr.; and it all … went nowhere. Roadies mostly corrected its rom-com vs. rock course over 10 episodes, but it was too late.

The Get Down (Seasons 1-2 on Netflix)

While not as much of a mess as Vinyl, Baz Luhrmann’s 2016-17 musical history tour The Get Down, about the rise of hip-hop in the ’70s, still suffers from being a bit much (because, Baz Luhrmann). After a bloated debut episode, it gets waaay better and redeems itself over 10 subsequent hours, and the music is undeniably fantastic. Lament the coulda-been ’80s season.

Major Lazer (Season 1 on Hulu)

Major Lazer, a gonzo cartoon series that’s a mash-up of ’80s-style animation (think He-Man and G.I Joe), superhero culture, hip-hop and electronic dance music, premiered on then-obscure FXX’s even-more-obscure late-night ADHD animation block in 2015. Like the musical group it’s vaguely based on, Major Lazer is best experienced on quality drugs for maximum euphoria.

Dead Last (Season 1 on YouTube)

In 2001, The WB (known these days as The CW) launched and aborted a supernatural comedy series about a struggling bar band who stumbled upon the power to talk to ghosts—and then help them cross over from this realm. Yeeeah. Still, Dead Last’s Scooby-Doo charm and dark humor (the band doesn’t give a shit about the ghosts; they just wanna rock) is worth a YouTube binge.

Z Rock (Seasons 1-2 on Hoopla)

One of the more WTF? series in IFC’s WTF? history, 2008’s Z Rock followed the fictionalized hijinx of real-life Brooklyn power trio ZO2. By night, they were aspiring rock stars; by day, they were a children’s party band. ZO2 were apparently connected, with guests like Dave Navarro, Dee Snider, Gilbert Gottfried, Steel Panther and dozens more making hilarious cameos. But still, WTF?

Yacht Rock (Season 1 on YouTube)

In the mid-2000s, hipsters and music snobs alike were held rapt by Yacht Rock, a 12-episode mockumentary tribute to ’70s/’80s SoCal soft rock. Steely Dan, Kenny Loggins, Toto, The Doobie Brothers, Hall and Oates, The Eagles and even Van Halen are recreated (intentionally terribly) here; despite the grainy 2005 resolution, Yacht Rock is still vitally important. Just ask Weezer.

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The Get Down (Friday, Aug. 12, Netflix), series debut: It’s the last Prestige TV debut of the summer, and viewers and critics alike are probably going to go easier on Baz Luhrmann’s The Get Down than they did on that other high-profile ’70s NYC musical-history tour, HBO’s Vinyl. It’s nearly as messy as that Martin Scorsese/Mick Jagger rock ’n’ roll blowout, but The Get Down, which chronicles the origins of hip-hop in the Bronx, uses that chaos to better effect—it just takes a few episodes to, well, get down to it. Like Vinyl, The Get Down kicks off with an overstuffed 90-minute episode that tries to introduce everything but accomplishes little; unlike Vinyl, it gets better and, occasionally even stunning, from there. Unfortunately, Part 1 is only six episodes; Part 2 won’t drop until 2017. Didn’t anybody explain to Luhrmann how Netflix works?

Perfect Sisters (Saturday, Aug. 13, Lifetime), movie: This is billed as a new “Lifetime Original Telefilm” even though it was actually a 2014 theatrical release—but that was in Canada, so who cares? Perfect Sisters stars Abigail Breslin and Georgie Henley as the daughters of a violent, alcoholic mother (Mira Sorvino). Fed up with mom’s abuse, asshole boyfriends and drunken insistence that she used be an award-winning actress in Woody Allen films, the sisters plot to knock out Mom with sleeping pills and drown her in the bathtub; spoiler (since it’s based on a true story): They succeed. Enough with the downer dramas, Mira—let’s make Romy and Michele 2 happen, already.

Odd Mom Out (Mondays, Bravo), new season: I know nothing of the book Momzillas, nor author Jill Kargman, who stars as a wackier version of herself in the Momzillas-for-TV adaptation Odd Mom Out, which has all-too-quietly entered its second season. (Where’s the promotion, Bravo?) Kargman is charmingly manic; she and her co-stars (including a consistently scene-stealing Abby Elliott) save OMO from becoming what could have been a flat send-up of Manhattan-mommy culture and over-privileged urbanites. It didn’t even have to be this sharp and funny: Odd Mom Out, mercifully, isn’t another bullshit Bravo reality show (it’s the cable net’s second scripted series, after the surprisingly good Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce). Anything that takes programming time away from The Real Housewives of Who the Hell Cares? is all right by me.

Elvis Lives! (Tuesday, Aug. 16, AXS TV), movie: Who should we trust with bringing the conspiracy theory that Elvis Presley didn’t actually die on Aug. 16, 1977, to the screen? Mark Cuban’s deep-cable music channel and the producers of Sharknado, duh. Set two months before his “death,” Elvis Lives! finds The King (played by B-movie vet Jonathan Nation) fat, druggy and paranoid for his life—but not for the obvious health reasons: He believes a crime syndicate is out to get him because of his FBI testimony against them, contrasting with the historical 1970s reality that the feds just thought Elvis was a caped loon requesting a badge. In this film, he got that FBI badge and faked his own death to become an undercover agent … yeeeaaah. Cool concept, but zero threat to the ultimate Elvis-never-died movie, Bruce Campbell’s 2002 cult classic Bubba Ho-Tep.

2016 Summer Olympics (Through Aug. 21, NBC), sports: Has anyone noticed that, due to NBC’s coverage of the Republican National Convention, the Democratic National Convention, and now the 2016 Summer Olympics, Aquarius hasn’t aired a new episode in more than a month? And the remaining six episodes of Season 2—which has been an improvement on Season 1 so far, despite lousy ratings—haven’t even been scheduled? Is NBC planning on burning them off on Saturday nights before the fall TV season arrives? Or shipping Aquarius off to a cable cousin like Syfy or USA? Or, worse, NBC.com? When are we going to learn how the ’60s ended? Or if David Duchovny finally caught Charles Manson? With or without an assist from Special Agent Elvis Presley? So many questions; so little interest in the Summer Olympics.

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Ride With Norman Reedus (AMC; Sunday, June 12, series debut): The Walking Dead star gets his own motorcycle road-trip series because AMC sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him no. Ride works well enough as a biker-culture travelogue show, as long as Reedus isn’t called upon to talk too much (just like with Daryl Dixon).

Guilt (Freeform; Monday, June 13, series debut): A London-set millennial murder-mystery soap about a young woman (Emily Tremaine, Vinyl) out to prove her sister’s innocence with the help of … Billy Zane?!

BrainDead (CBS; Monday, June 13, series debut): This government-is-stoopid political dramedy may have a killer cast (including Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Danny Pino and Tony Shaloub) and the producers of The Good Wife, but CBS isn’t going to let them get away with anything close to House of Cards or Veep, because, CBS.

Uncle Buck (ABC; Tuesday, June 14, series debut): ’Merica has rejected a TV version of the beloved 1989 movie before—but this one has an all-black cast, so at least give ABC (further) credit for chipping away at TV’s Whiteytown. But, yeah … Uncle Buck suuucks.

Animal Kingdom (TNT; Tuesday, June 14, series debut): After his mom dies of a heroin overdose, “J” Cody moves in with his sketchy grandmother, “Smurf” Cody (Ellen Barkin), the matriarch of a sketchy SoCal crime family. Producer John Wells (Shameless) knows his way around dysfunctional clans, but Animal Kingdom just looks like Surfboards of Anarchy.

Wrecked (TBS; Tuesday, June 14, series debut): Another promising new comedy from TBS—words no one ever expected to utter. Like a mashup of Gilligan’s Island (Wiki it, kids) and Lost, Wrecked follows a clueless group of plane-crash survivors stranded on an island. It’s at least funnier than Fear the Walking Dead.

American Gothic (CBS; Wednesday, June 22, series debut): Compared to the long-lost 1995 American Gothic drama about a supernaturally evil small-town sheriff menacing the locals, the new American Gothic (posh Boston family has a secret serial killer among them) seems like a snooze. It is—with a recycled title, no less.

Queen of the South (USA; Thursday, June 23, series debut): Teresa Mendoza (Alice Braga) flees to America from Mexico when her drug-dealer boyfriend is “unexpectedly” murdered (come on—it’s a high-risk gig), and she then plots her bloody revenge upon the cartel that killed him. Queen of the South is flashier and pricier than the Telemundo series from which this is lifted, therefore huger and better. Make American television great again!

Roadies (Showtime; Sunday, June 26, series debut): It’s Almost Famous: Backstage! Luke Wilson, Carla Gugino, Imogen Poots and cameo bands galore star in Cameron Crowe’s ode to the grimy life behind the rock ’n’ roll fantasy. Unlike HBO’s dark Vinyl, Roadies is set in current times and more light-hearted. Don’t worry; there are still drugs.

Dead of Summer (Freeform; Tuesday, June 28, series debut): Pretty 20-somethings in a 1980 summer-camp slasher flick that’s a weekly series! There’s a killer on the loose at Camp Stillwater, and if these kids can’t keep it in their pants, they’re all dead … so, yeah, they’re all pretty much dead.

The Get Down (Netflix; Friday, Aug. 12, series debut): Baz Luhrmann dramatizes the rise of rise of hip-hop in ’70s New York City in what will surely be a subtle, understated affair.

Returning in June: Hell on Wheels (AMC; Saturday, June 11); The Last Ship (TNT; Sunday, June 12); Major Crimes (TNT; Monday, June 13); Another Period (Comedy Central; Wednesday, June 15); Aquarius (NBC; Thursday, June 16); Orange Is the New Black (Netflix; Friday, June 17); The Jim Gaffigan Show (TV Land; Sunday, June 19); Murder in the First (TNT; Sunday, June 19); The Fosters (Freeform; Monday, June 20); Pretty Little Liars (Freeform; Tuesday, June 21); Ray Donovan (Showtime; Sunday, June 26); Zoo (CBS; Tuesday, June 28); Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll (FX; Thursday, June 30).

Returning in July: Marco Polo (Netflix; Friday, July 1); Killjoys (Syfy; Friday, July 1); Dark Matter (Syfy; Friday, July 1); Tyrant (FX; Wednesday, July 6); Difficult People (Hulu; Tuesday, July 12); Suits (USA; Wednesday, July 13); Mr. Robot (USA; Wednesday, July 13); Power (Starz; Sunday, July 17); Ballers (HBO; Sunday, July 17); Bojack Horseman (Netflix; Friday, July 22); Survivor’s Remorse (Starz; Sunday, July 24).

Returning in August: Fear the Walking Dead (AMC; Sunday, Aug. 21); The Strain (FX; Sunday, Aug. 28); You’re the Worst (FXX; Wednesday, Aug. 31).

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