CVIndependent

Wed10282020

Last updateMon, 24 Aug 2020 12pm

Savage Love

21 Oct 2020
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Borrowing Gen Z’s love for labelling everything: I’m a 46-year-old homoromantic asexual Canadian faggot. For me, that means I’d like to love and be loved by another man, but I’d hate having sex with him. To add a vexing complication, I also need some sort of power imbalance. Ideally, I would fall somewhere between being a man’s sub and being his slave. I’ve been searching for this since I came out in my early 20s. I’ve tried everything—online, bars, hobby groups, friends, hookups. Vanilla relationships, single Masters, dominant couples, sex workers. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on both men and therapy, but here I am, busted, miserable and alone. The point is that no one—and I mean absolutely no one—wants what I want. My dream dude doesn’t exist. It’s easy to tell someone to move on, that there are other fish in the sea, etc., but sometimes your sea is…
14 Oct 2020
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My husband recently passed away. He was a wonderful person, and we had 12 great years together. He was also very, very organized. His death was an accident, but everything was in order. He even left a note in a sealed envelope for his lawyer to present to me. It was one last love letter, Dan. Our relationship wasn’t perfect—no relationship is—but that’s who he was. Or that’s who I thought he was. My husband was a very good-looking man who took meticulous care of his body. We actually met in a gym at a hotel. He wasn’t conceited, which I think may be because he didn’t come into his looks until he was in his 20s, but he enjoyed the effect his appearance had on others. In addition to his last love letter and other documents, I was given a list with the passwords to my husband’s social media…
07 Oct 2020
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I was dumped in August by a guy I was seeing for 10 months. He told me that he wants to work on himself and “needs to be selfish” right now. Since then, we have spoken every day, shared numerous dinners and gone on hikes. Our friendship is killing me. With him, I hold it together. Away from him, I cry all the time. I’ve started seeing a therapist, and I’m on medication. I’m trying to be mature about the breakup and match his level of “coolness,” but it’s destroying me. My friends tell me that I should stay away from him; allow some time to pass; and reassess. But the thought of losing him is almost as bad as the thought of keeping him in my life. I should also mention that I ended a 10-year relationship for the opportunity to date him. Simply Heartbroken And Talking To Ex…
30 Sep 2020
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I’m a 30-something gay man married to a 30-something gay man. For almost two years, we’ve been seeing another pair of married gay men around our age. They were our first experience with any sexual or romantic interaction outside of our relationship. The first six months were hot and heavy. We were together constantly and having sex almost every night. After the “honeymoon phase” ended, one member of the other couple (“Roger”) wanted to slow things down. Roger and I had some conflict over this, and I have to admit that I showed a pretty bad side of myself while grappling with insecurity. Eventually, Roger pulled me aside to talk one-on-one. He wanted us to be “friends who have sex sometimes.” Then, right after the COVID-19 lockdown started, Roger and I had another heart-to-heart on my birthday. After many drinks and a lot of making out, we both said we…
23 Sep 2020
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Married guy here. I’m 33; the wife is 31. Our fifth anniversary is next month, but we’ve been together for almost eight years. We’ve recently both come out to each other as bi. She tried to tell me a long time ago, whereas I came to the realization only recently. We’re both interested in new sexual encounters, and this weekend, we met up with a male escort. It was my first sexual experience with a man, and the first sexual encounter between my wife and another man in eight years … and we found it lacking. It was too short and too impersonal. Is this how it usually goes with escorts? Should we have been more upfront with our interests ahead of time? We don’t want to keep spending the money if we’re not getting the experience we want. We need to stay fairly discreet for most of these encounters…
16 Sep 2020
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I’m a straight man who’s been dating a woman for not quite four months. In the beginning, things were light—but things started to get heavy quickly. Two weeks in, she revealed her very serious abandonment issues and then began asking me whether I really loved her, demanding reassurance that I wasn’t going anywhere and that she wouldn’t be “just a single chapter” in my life. After a month, I met her 7-year-old son, her parents and her ex. Then we had a pregnancy scare. She told me that if she were pregnant, she would keep it, because then I would have to stay. That alarmed me. I voiced that we’d been dating for very a short time, and this wasn’t a good time for either of us to have a child. She wasn’t pregnant, luckily. Even before this incident, my body had started to manifest signs of anxiety—upset stomach, sleepless…
09 Sep 2020
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I’m a 29-year-old straight woman in Pennsylvania. My question has to do with choking and consent: I’ve had two experiences in the past six months or so where someone has tried to choke me without my consent. The first time this happened, I coughed immediately, but he tried multiple times during sex. I was caught so off-guard that I didn’t say anything until the next morning. I told him I wasn’t OK with that, and that it was too much. The second time, I shook my head as soon as he put his hand on my throat, and he stopped immediately. I told him, “That scared the shit out of me.” He apologized for startling me and said he wouldn’t do it again. My question is: Why is this a thing? The fact that this has happened to me more than once in a short period of time kind of…
02 Sep 2020
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I’ve been married for 30 years to the same man. I have dealt with his tantrums, his screaming and his fits. He’s always had anger-management issues. He strangled me once a few months after our son was born and never did it again. I would have left otherwise. He’s had relationships with other women but always swore it was just online. Then, a few years back, I got into an online relationship with someone. I never actually met this person, just as my husband claimed he’d never met the women he was talking to online. I had opened up to this person about our troubles, and I talked about my husband’s anger issues and some other private things. This person encouraged me to have an affair with someone else, but I kept putting him off. Finally, I told him I'd done it—I had an affair; it was great, etc. It…
26 Aug 2020
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I’m a cis male in my late 20s. I’ve recently become consumed by a specific fantasy that I fear is unattainable—a fear that has been made worse by several failed attempts to research it. A little background: Except for a couple of dates and make-out sessions with other men, my sex life has always been exclusively with women. I’ve had male crushes and often thought I might be bi or pan, despite never masturbating to thoughts of men or gay porn. (Don’t worry, Dan: I’m not going to ask if I’m gay. I promise.) In general, I’ve led a privileged sex life. I’ve never been broken up with, and it’s rare for me to experience any form of rejection. But in early 2020, my libido vanished. I stopped masturbating and only orgasmed once or twice a month, when my now ex-girlfriend would insist that we have sex. But then a…
19 Aug 2020
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I’m a 35-year-old woman. I recently discovered I’m a size queen. (Is it OK for me to use this term?) This has been brewing for a while as I have dabbled with purchasing larger and larger cucumbers and fucking myself with them after a good wash. I use a condom and tons of lube, and it’s been amazing. Are there any safety or health concerns I should be aware of? I’m moving away from fucking produce and purchased my first sizable toy. I see safety tips online for men who like large toys in their butts, but I wanted to know if there is anything I should be aware of as a vagina-haver. I mainly partner with men but am expanding to date women, and I’ve been fisted only once by a woman and absolutely loved it. Finding I Lately Love Enormous Dildos So long as you’re taking it slow,…

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