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No animated series, not even the vaunted Rick and Morty, makes you feel the feels like BoJack Horseman (Season 4 premiere Friday, Sept. 8, Netflix). Last season was especially dark, culminating with BoJack (the voice of Will Arnett) once again pulling defeat from minor comeback victory and attempting highway suicide (told ya—dark). Now, he’s gone missing, and Hollywoo—they still haven’t fixed the “D”—is without its third, or maybe fourth, favorite ’90s sitcom horse. Diane (Alison Brie) and Mr. Peanutbutter (Paul F. Tompkins) are dealing in their own ways (and not well), while Todd (Aaron Paul) has stumbled into a fashion-modeling gig with Sharc Jacobs. Oh, how I’ve missed the animal puns …

Rescued from the obscurity of Vimeo, Con Man (network debut Saturday, Sept. 9, Syfy) is going to be a pleasant surprise for casual nerds. While his former co-star (Nathan Fillion) of the 10-years-canceled space-adventure series Spectrum has gone on to become a big deal, Wray Nerely (Alan Tudyk) can only get work at sci-fi conventions, which are slowly (but hilariously) crushing his soul. If the Firefly/Serenity meta-signals have already eluded you, there’s no point in mentioning geektastic Con Man cameos like Gina Torres, Summer Glau and Jewel Staite, as well as Tricia Helfer, James Gunn, Felicia Day, Seth Green and even the now-controversial Joss Whedon himself.

Seth MacFarlane can do whatever the hell he wants at Fox these days—even cast himself as a live-action lead, which is always a dicey proposition. His hour-long sci-fi comedy The Orville (series debut Sunday, Sept. 10, Fox) looks like one of the more promising new shows of the fall 2017 season, which isn’t saying much. For one, it’s not a dirty, “dystopian” future in MacFarlane’s space, but more of a sleek, earnest Star Trek-via-Galaxy Quest vehicle. For two, his U.S.S. Orville shipmates (including Adrianne Palicki and Scott Grimes) make up for their captain’s not-quite-Shatner shortcomings. It’s not as wacky as the promos suggest, but The Orville could break out this season … or just as easily flame out.

After all the ordeals Claire and Jamie have endured thus far in Outlander (Season 3 premiere Sunday, Sept. 10, Starz), what’s the worst that could happen now? Being separated by two centuries and a continent, that’s what! As Jamie (Sam Heughan) faces the post-Battle of Culloden fallout back in 18th century Britain, Claire (Caitriona Balfe) is pregnant and stuck with Frank (Tobias Menzies) in 20th century Boston. As Celine Dion says, their hearts will go on, but just barely: Jamie is a ginger shell without his time-traveling love, and headstrong Claire is even worse off in mansplaining 1948. Outlander may not be Starz’s flagship series anymore (hello, American Gods), but it’s as tear-jerkingly compelling as ever.

The Wire and Treme ended years ago, but they’re still more revered than most current series—writer David Simon can do no wrong, not even when working with wildcard James Franco. In The Deuce (series debut Sunday, Sept. 10, HBO), co-producer Franco plays twin brothers Vincent and Frankie, 1971 Brooklyn knockabouts who get in too deep with the mob and, eventually, prostitution and porn. He’s effectively subdued in the roles, and by the time Maggie Gyllenhaal (playing a nicely nuanced hooker) shows up to remind everyone she can bring it when called upon, it’s clear that The Deuce is neither rosy glamorization nor cautionary tale—it’s just life on the street, and Simon writes the hell out of it.

The dual return of South Park (Season 21 premiere Wednesday, Sept. 13, Comedy Central) and Broad City (Season 4 premiere) was rescheduled from August for no real reason, but who cares? They’re back! South Park is wisely getting out of the Trump business after a hit-and-miss 2016 of trying to satirize our IRL Idiocracy—though “Member Berries” is a theme worth revisiting—but at least Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer are treating the president’s name as an F-bomb (T-bomb?) in their first post-Obama season of Broad City. The women still have plenty to say through their Brooklyn-stoner misadventures, but can South Park rediscover its boys-will-be-awful-boys magic? Again, who cares? They’re back!

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Too many people told me that I “just have to” watch Ozark (streaming, Netflix), another summer series that got by me because there are Too Many Shows. Ozark must be good, since Netflix has renewed it for a second season, right? I blame Netflix’s idiotic, downright Trumpian “Very Good/Very Bad” ratings system. The Jason Bateman crime drama (he also directed half of Ozark’s episodes) mostly lives up to its Southern-Fried Breaking Bad hype, leaning more heavily on action than creating any characters to give a shit about. This makes for a quick binge—smart, because the plot (a nonsensical money-laundering operation in a Missouri tourist trap) shouldn’t be overthought. “Very Meh.”

Meanwhile, The Guest Book (Thursdays, TBS) is halfway through its debut season, and you’ve probably never even heard of it. Creator/producer Greg Garcia (My Name Is Earl) has created a sorta-anthology comedy about a rental cabin in a small mountain town that features a rotating cast of out-there characters and a Coen Brothers-lite zeal for interconnected storylines. Each episode stands alone well enough, but The Guest Book will ultimately work best as a 10-part whole on whatever streaming service it eventually winds up on—at which time, I’ll be asked, “Have you seen this new show on Netflix? It’s sooo funny and weird! Love it!” Bonus: Indie-folk duo HoneyHoney closes each episode, Twin Peaks-style.

Speaking of Twin Peaks (two-hour season finale, Sunday, Sept. 3, Showtime) … yeah, so that happened. The Return, Showtime’s 18-episode series revival, has been more for fans of David Lynch in general than Twin Peaks-specific devotees—a careening WTF? ride with many fantastic performances (Naomi Watts! David Duchovny!), brain-imploding visuals (the atomic nightmare collage of Episode 8), and tear-jerking farewells (R.I.P. “Log Lady” Catherine Coulson). But what does it all mean? Maybe the finale will reveal all, or not. Best to just consider Twin Peaks a summer diversion that at least drew some eyeballs back to the original series, and set up a Wally Brando spinoff. (Let’s make this happen!)

You know who could really use Dr. Jacoby’s golden shit shovel? CBS. In a garbage fall 2017 network TV forecast, the Eye Network will be churning out the rankest trash of them all—which makes their CBS Fall Preview (Monday, Sept. 4, CBS) a gotta-watch trainwreck: “What could be a worse idea than Young Sheldon? Hold our beer! Besides that forgone conclusion, we have SEAL Team and S.W.A.T., which are the same show—and Red State ’Merica will looove ’em! Also, there’s Wisdom of the Crowd, yet another tech-billionaire-solves-crime procedural! And don’t forget new sitcoms Me, Myself and I and 9JKL—at least not before we cancel them and plug in Big Bang Theory reruns! Only … CBS!”

I’ll continue to argue that Season 1, Murder House, is still the best of the series, but American Horror Story: Cult (Season 7 premiere Tuesday, Sept. 5, FX) looks promising as hell. Cult begins on Election Night 2016, with Trumpy the Clown’s victory shattering leftie Ally (Sarah Paulson) and delighting loony Kai (Evan Peters)—but it’s not about politics. Showrunner Ryan Murphy says this season is about paranoia and “the euphoria and the fear” of the nation (which is current politics, but whatever). Several regular AHS players are returning for Cult, joined by newcomers like Billie Lourd, Alison Pill, Lena Dunham (!) and Billy Eichner (!!). This might finally be the one to top Murder House … thanks, Trump?

When we left You’re the Worst (Season 4 premiere Wednesday, Sept. 6, FXX), Jimmy (Chis Geere) had just proposed to Gretchen (Aya Cash) … and then abandoned her on a hilltop. Jimmy’s cold feet haven’t warmed up at the outset of Season 4; Gretchen’s bitterness hasn’t cooled off; and hangers-on Lindsay (Kether Donohue) and Edgar (Desmin Borges) have no idea how to function in a post-GretchJim world. Don’t be sad: As funny as they were as self-absorbed/-destructive bang-buds reluctantly falling in love, Gretchen and Jimmy are even more darkly hilarious as toxic exes who’ll inevitably get back together—if Gretchen’s revenge schemes don’t kill him first. Hulu Seasons 1-3 now, if not sooner.

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There may be a future version of this column that covers streaming content, and only streaming content, because that’s where we’re headed. (Some of you are already there; the Cord-Cutter Cabal constantly tells me, “But I don’t have regular TV anymore! What about meee?!”) There will be no networks, only on-demand platforms where everyone watches whatever at their own pace—it could be an HBO series from three years ago, or last week’s Bachelor in Paradise, or the latest TMZ report on Bachelor in Paradise STI stats; who knows? Anyway: Party Boat (movie premiere Thursday, Aug. 24, Crackle) is an ’80s-riffic movie about a party boat, on streamer Crackle. You’ll probably check it out in 2021.

A Netflix comedy starring Kathy Bates as a marijuana shop proprietor? How could this possibly suck? Easy: It’s created and produced by the king-daddy laugh-track-hack himself, Chuck Lorre. Disjointed (series debut Friday, Aug. 25, Netflix) stars Bates as a Los Angeles “weed legend” who opens her cannabis dispensary with her recently graduated son and sundry “budtenders”; lazy, outdated hippie yuks and mellow-harshing canned laughter ensue. Disjointed is no Weeds or High Maintenance—hell, it’s not even The Big Bang Theory, Lorre’s pinnacle achievement in co-opting a richly eccentric niche of society and dumbing it down for ’Merica. Bates bailed on American Horror Story for this?

This column reviewed the first live-action take on cartoon hero The Tick back in 2001, an initial Fox failure that’s now a beloved cult item for legions of fans (unlike this column, the continued existence of which is usually met with: “You still doing that?”). For The Tick (series debut Friday, Aug. 25, Amazon Prime), creator Ben Edlund is back onboard and determined to make it stick this time, delivering a darker and slightly more serious tone—more Christopher Nolan Batman, less Adam West Batman. The shift showed in the 2016 Amazon pilot, and carries through the new series; Peter Serafinowicz is no Patrick Warburton, but this isn’t the same Tick. We’ll get over the absence of Batmanuel.

Instead of my usual bitching about the Best “Rock” Video category (Coldplay and Fall Out Boy still in … I’m out), I’ll focus on the performers at the 2017 MTV Video Music Awards (Sunday, Aug. 27, MTV). Host Katy Perry will obviously have to show up and lip sync, but will Miley Cyrus make it after bailing on the Teen Choice Awards? The closest thing to a rock band performing this year is 30 Seconds to Mars, which reminds me: Have you seen the 2012 documentary Artifact, about the band’s battle with the record company? It’s 10 percent valuable music-biz lesson, and 90 percent Jared Leto in ridiculous hats and scarves, which I believe to be a performance-art piece within the doc. Watch that instead.

Right about now is when the Thronies start losing their shit. Game of Thrones (Season 7 finale Sunday, Aug. 27, HBO) is closing its penultimate chapter, so cue the handwringing: “Why is this season only seven episodes long?!” Because that’s how many they made. “Why do we have to wait a whole year for the final season?!” Because that’s how long it’ll take to make it. “But why does Game of Thrones have to end?!” Because the show runners have to get to work on their brilliant, already-so-well-received idea for a series about a Confederate United States. “But what will I watch now?! There’s literally nothing else on!” If only there were a guide, perhaps in weekly written form, recommending good TV shows. If only.

In honor of the 100th episode of Suits (Wednesday, Aug. 30, USA), this column will attempt to answer the question, “So, what the hell is Suits?” The crux of the story is that a big-deal Manhattan lawyer (Gabriel Macht) hired a young law-school dropout (Patrick J. Adams) to work in his corporate law firm/apparent modeling agency … and 99 episodes later, here we are! A whole lotta posing, hair-tossing and exclamations of, “I’ll see you in court!” happened between then and now; fortunately, USA’s White Collar ceased to be a point of series confusion years ago. (White Collar was about beautiful FBI agents and a rogue outsider—totally different.) Happy 100th, Suits!

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Be careful what you whine for: Marvel’s The Defenders (series debut Friday, Aug. 18, Netflix) is only eight episodes long, maybe partially in response to complaints that previous Marvel/Netflix series Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage and Iron Fist felt stretched thin at 13 episodes per season each. The story that finally brings them all together as the Defenders arguably could have been longer, but the no-filler/mostly killer approach works well here, leaning heavily on franchise favorite Jones (Krysten Ritter) while somewhat redeeming the maligned Iron Fist (Finn Jones) and introducing a subtle-but-menacing new villain (Sigourney Weaver). Marvel’s Defenders delivers on the built-up hype and promise, just at a brisker pace.

Everyone presumed it dead after Season 1, but Halt and Catch Fire (Season 4 premiere Saturday, Aug. 19, AMC) just kept coming back—but this time, it really is the end. The series that dramatized the rise of 1980s personal computing comes to a close in Season 4, now at the early ’90s dawn of the Internet. The core gang of entangled business/romantic partners (Lee Pace, Mackenzie Davis, Scoot McNairy and Kerry Bishé) is as driven, and damaged, as ever, just with different hair and a new mission: connecting regular folk to this new thing called the World Wide Web. (They’re creating America Online, essentially—Wiki it.) Halt and Catch Fire logs off as one of AMC’s best, and overlooked, dramas—Netflix it.

Also from the “Is That Still On?” file comes another round of The Last Ship (Season 4 premiere Sunday, Aug. 20, TNT), the greatest naval TV drama since … C.P.O. Sharkey? Since those NCIS clowns rarely even get near water, let’s go with that. The global pandemic that killed 80 percent of the world’s population may be over, but the crew of the U.S.S. Nathan James can’t rest yet, as the virus that affected humans is now in the planet’s crops and food supply! Can’t we just subsist on Brawndo and Extra Big-Ass Tacos? (Shout-out to Idiocracy … sigh.) Problem is, Capt. Chandler (Eric Dane) has gone AWOL, fight-clubbing his way through Greece and generally embracing gone-rogue clichés. Season 5 is already a go.

The stars of Friends have experienced varying success in their post-Central Perk careers, but only Lisa Kudrow (The Comeback, Web Therapy) and Matt LeBlanc have dared to get truly weird—and he didn’t even have to stretch. Episodes (Season 5 premiere Sunday, Aug. 20, Showtime), LeBlanc’s hilariously wrong series wherein he plays a version of Hollywood star “Matt LeBlanc,” is ending with Season 5 so he can concentrate on lesser television (CBS’ Man With a Plan, the kind of hacky shit Episodes would parody). Besides LeBlanc’s misadventures, Episodes also features the painful showbiz tribulations of writers Sean (Stephen Mangan) and Beverly (Tamsin Greig); the show should just continue with them.

Expectations were low for Dice (Season 2 premiere Sunday, Aug. 20, Showtime) last year … way, way low. The initial episodes made no case for Andrew “Dice” Clay deserving to join the Curb Your Enthusiasm/Louie club of semi-autobiographical comic-coms, but it did get better as it progressed—no thanks to the Diceman himself. Co-stars Natasha Leggero (as Dice’s unlikely girlfriend Carmen) and Kevin Corrigan (as his gloriously strange bud “Milkshake”) picked up the funny slack nicely, as did guest Adrien Brody in a hysterical turn playing “Adrien Brody,” shadowing Dice to play “Dice” for a character role. It’s not essential, but Dice is at least the second-best comedy on Showtime right now.

Have you watched President Cheeto’s Real News Facebook show and thought to yourself, “That was cool, but where can I go for even more Red State propaganda?! Why won’t the media libtards let the golden waves of conservatism wash over me like Russian hooker piss?!” You got it: The One America News Network has been lurking in the bottom rungs of your cable since 2013, reporting mostly straight news and featuring two opinion shows, The Daily Ledger With Graham Ledger and The Tipping Point With Liz Wheeler (weeknights, OANN), both dedicated to the Gospel of Trump. Ledger is just Bill O’Reilly minus the charm, and Wheeler is Megyn Kelly weaponized with acidic snark—MAGA!

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The summer of 2017, like the summers of Peak TV before it, has been overloaded with buzzy hot-weather series like GLOW, Preacher, Twin Peaks, Rick and Morty, Orphan Black and, of course, Game of Thrones, to name just a few. Fortunately, there weren’t any other, below-the-radar shows that you’ll need to add to your catch-up cue once you’ve had enough of the sun and the outdoors and whatever the hell else life away from the screen offers, right?

Wrong. Here are 10 you probably missed:

The Jim Jefferies Show (Comedy Central): The overworked late-night talkers have done an admirable, if repetitive, job of taking the piss out of our Made-for-TV president. But none have done it with the glee and zero-fucks-given swagger of Australian comedian Jim Jefferies, who backs up his barbs with cold facts, on-location bits and “weatherman” Brad Pitt (yes, really) consistently predicting climate doomsday.

Blood Drive (Syfy): In the “distant future of 1999,” environmentally ravaged America’s favorite new spectator sport is the Blood Drive, wherein the cars run on human blood! The jarringly perverse and stoopid series is just Death Race 2000 with a cartoon-grindhouse twist (real Syfy complaint line: 325-400-DGAF), but emcee Julian Slink (Colin Cunningham) is a delicious villain for the ages.

Claws (TNT): Women chew Florida scenery and buff cuticles in this nail-salon crime thriller, led commandingly by Niecy Nash, drawing upon her comedy and drama backgrounds equally. Somehow, Claws’ colorful characters (like Dean Norris as Uncle Daddy, “a Dixie Mafia crime boss who’s deeply Catholic and actively bisexual”) never overwhelm the tense drugs-and-money-laundering narrative.

The Strain (FX): Eternal darkness has fallen, and a totalitarian regime that rules though fear and intimidation has taken over. Relax, it’s only Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan’s vampire-apocalypse epic The Strain, now in its fourth and final season. Interest has waned (ratings are down to half of Season 1’s), but The Strain is still bigly more compelling and creepy than The Walking Dead.

Queen of the South (USA): The path by Teresa (Alice Braga) toward becoming a future drug queenpin got even more tangled than her hair in Season 2—surely, she can afford a brush by now—upping the stakes and the body count along the way. Also, the woman she’ll eventually replace, Camila (Veronica Falcon), transformed from an icy caricature into a fleshed-out, almost-sympathetic character. But only almost.

Wynonna Earp (Syfy): The demon-hunting great-great-granddaughter of Wyatt Earp may have a bit of that Jessica Jones smolder, but she’s ultimately a goofball, pushing Wynonna Earp closer to Buffy the Vampire Slayer territory. As Wynonna, Melanie Scrofano bites into an impressive array of emotional flavors when the show gets serious; when it’s not, Earp is Syfy’s funniest series after Blood Drive.

Odd Mom Out (Bravo): It’s Season 3—does Bravo even know this is still on? Odd Mom Out, an adaptation of author Jill Kargman’s Momzillas (and starring herself; Kargman’s also an adept comedic actress), is everything the Real Housewives are not: smart, self-aware and funny. In particular, SNL cast-off Abby Elliott shines as a Manhattanite so dim and self-absorbed that she’s practically a black hole.

Wrecked (TBS): Much improved from its first season, which apparently didn’t map out anything past, “Let’s mash up Gilligan’s Island and Lost,” Wrecked found its groove in Season 2 by adding outside conflict (pirates!) and internal lust (hot … well, weird castaway-on-castaway action!). Watching pampered idiots struggle to survive on an island is better when Jeff Probst isn’t calling the action.

I’m Sorry (TruTV): Longtime comedic side-player Andrea Savage’s first all-about-me vehicle doesn’t care to differentiate itself from other Comics as Themselves But Not Really half-hours—it’s all about the jokes. I’m Sorry, referring to mom/comedy writer “Andrea” and her tendency to say the most hilariously wrong things, is a white-wine spritzer of a sitcom: not too heavy, not too sweet, perfect for summer.

Decker: Unsealed/Mindwipe (Adult Swim): The shoot-first-think-never action hero ’Merica needs returned in Season 2 of Decker: Unsealed, Tim Heidecker's … tribute? … to Tom Clancy novels, Steven Seagal movies and the comedic power of incompetent, but patriotic, production. Then Decker segued into Mindwipe, because who cares? Heidecker could probably upsell this to InfoWars as a documentary.

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The Duplass Brothers have created some intriguing, if not always watchable, shows for HBO (Togetherness and Animals, only one of which is still a thing), and Room 104 (series debut Friday, July 28, HBO) could be their best yet. A time-spanning anthology series, Room 104 follows various occupants of a single motel room; the premiere episode, about a baby sitter and a strange boy, is a mini horror film, while the others range from mysterious (a maid looking for clues) to visceral (a pair of female MMA fighters sparring) to sexy (a pizza-delivery guy invited into a twisted threesome) to awkward (two Mormon missionaries questioning their faith, among other things). Verdict: Watchable!

It’s finally here! Rick and Morty (Season 3 resumes Sunday, July 30, Adult Swim) dropped the first episode of its third season on April Fool’s Day (how delightfully schwifty) and then made us wait three more months, because creators Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland can’t get it together. Then again, there was a lot to process from that episode: Earth had been taken over by alien tourists, and Jerry and Beth finally split, not to mention Rick became addicted to McDonald’s Szechuan sauce and straight-up threatened poor Morty. As for the rest of the R&M season, Harmon says Earth life will both return to (relative) normal and feature a Mad Max tribute episode. Don’t ever change, you crazy bastards.

CBS News is so committed to serious journalism that they’re dedicating four whole weeks in the dead of summer to it. CBSN: On Assignment (series debut Monday, July 31, CBS) is noble in theory—a primetime hour featuring multiple news reports from younger correspondents (i.e., not the usual 60 Minutes coots in suits) on topics from inner-city gun violence to outside terrorism threats, but then what? Back to Kevin Can Wait and Superior Donuts reruns, that’s what, and neither advances the intelligence or awareness of the country. If any broadcast network can afford to sacrifice an hour a week—every week—to the primetime gods, it’s the bajillion-dollar property known as CBS.

While star and all-around garbage person Abby Lee Miller is currently serving time in prison for bankruptcy fraud, Dance Moms (Season 7 resumes Tuesday, Aug. 1, Lifetime) continues—the judicial system as failed us. On July 25, Lifetime aired the sympathy-baiting Dance Moms: Abby Tells All, a manipulative hour that I really hope they saw at the Victorville Federal Correctional Institution after Miller arrived. Oh, and what gutless design committee came up with the new Lifetime logo? A sans-serif font inside an opaque circle? Just like every other damned network on TV?! Anyway: In the resumption of Season 7 of Dance Moms … just more of the same shit, and hopefully the last anyone will see of Miller.

Despite what rock nerds may subconsciously fool themselves into believing, the Baroness von Sketch Show (series debut Wednesday, Aug. 2, IFC) is not a moonlighting comedy series from acclaimed prog-metal band Baroness—but wouldn’t it be great if it was? Four burly, humorless metalheads awkwardly performing wacky comedy bits between brutal musical interludes? I’d watch the hell out of that. Baroness von Sketch Show, in reality, is a Canadian comedy series produced, written, directed by and starring women, because anything goes up there in the Great White North, what with their pale beer, free health care and good-lookin,’ non-idiot president. Funny show, but not very metal.

Jessica Biel’s best previous TV work was not on 7th Heaven, but as herself on BoJack Horseman—and, as far as films go, she never topped Blade: Trinity. The Sinner (series debut Wednesday, Aug. 2, USA) is a compelling showcase for Biel’s dark side; she plays a dull suburban wife and mom who suddenly snaps during a day at the beach and stabs a stranger to death … but was he really a stranger? Enter the real star of Sinner, Bill Pullman, as a detective working backward to uncover a killer’s motives that are unknown to even her. In tone and length (only eight episodes), Sinner is veddy British, akin to Broadchurch and The Fall—which probably won’t work on USA, but will eventually blow up on Netflix. It’s science.

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There were sooo many questions at the end of 2015’s Descendants that Descendants 2 (movie, Friday, July 21, Disney) was inevitable … probably. Not being 12, I have no idea. Anyway: Descendants was about impossibly pretty teens who happened to be the offspring of Disney villains being liberated from the Isle of the Lost (aka Bad People Island) and given a chance to live straight in the United States of Auradon (aka Queen Belle and King Beast’s Socialist Utopia). In Descendants 2, one of the rainbow-haired kids (Dove Cameron) gets sick of being “good” and returns to the Isle of the Lost, only to find her old friends resentful for being left behind and/or left out of the Disney merchandising. Also: Singing!

Of all shows, TBS’ Wrecked summed up Ballers (Season 3 premiere Sunday, July 23, HBO) best recently: “Game of Thrones? The best thing on HBO is Ballers! Who doesn’t want to see The Rock as a ripped financial adviser?” Can’t argue with that—how else could this make it to a third season? Sure, the comic interplay between ex-NFL star Spencer (Dwayne Johnson) and his sports-management partner, Joe (Rob Corddry), remains on point, but whenever the camera’s off them—which is far too often—there’s no one else here to give a shit about, just the spoiled athletes and billionaire owners of Sportsball Entourage. At least Steve Guttenberg (!) shows up this season as a Las Vegas casino mogul.

It makes little sense for Insecure (Season 2 premiere Sunday, July 23, HBO) to be paired up with Ballers on Sunday nights: The fact that a pricey, testosterone-jacked sausage fest leads into a low-key indie-flick-esque comedy about an awkward young black woman (Issa Rae) defies logic—but at least it’ll enjoy a larger audience then Sarah Jessica Parker’s downer Divorce delivered in its debut season. Rae’s web-series-turned-TV-comedy is as organic and unpretentious as shows loosely based on their creators get—like Master of None without the high-art diversions, or Atlanta from a less-broke, female perspective. Insecure is utterly unique even in the Peak TV era—check it out, ballers.

When a San Francisco news producer and mom (Paula Patton) suddenly finds herself experiencing a murder-filled week all over again, will she do what it takes to decrease the body count—even if it means making “the ultimate sacrifice”? (Yeah, the mention of “mom” telegraphed what that sacrifice might be from a mile away.) Somewhere Between (series debut Monday, July 24, ABC) is a serial-killer crime drama with a supernatural-ish twist, ripped off from a Korean series and Americanized, replete with the standard-issue block-of-wood husband figure (J.R. Bourne) and sexy-scruffy ex-cop (Devon Sawa) Male Figures. This might make for a decent future binge, but it’s nothing re-live week-to-week.

On the other hand, Midnight, Texas (series debut Monday, July 24, NBC), a fizzy-and-busy fantasy thriller from True Blood-inspiring novelist Charlaine Harris, has Appointment TV potential. Bernado (Francois Arnaud), a psychic on the lam, hides out in the small town of Midnight, a “safe haven for supernaturals” that “sits on the veil between the living and hell,” and befriends the colorful locals, including the usual vampires, witches, werewolves and, most terrifying of all, writers. Midnight, Texas plays like a PG-rated mashup of True Blood and Preacher that takes itself more seriously than it should, but it’s also the most imaginative show any broadcast network is offering up this summer.

Speaking of weird shit going down in small towns, what’s up with People of Earth (Season 2 premiere Monday, July 24, TBS)? Beacon, N.Y., is still in the midst of an oddly casual alien invasion, and the local support group of abductees, or “experiencers,” including journalist Ozzie (Wyatt Cenac), is still trying to make sense of it all. Weird, droll and empathetic all at once, People of Earth is the most complex of TBS’ new wave of original comedies—bring up Search Party, and I will cut you—and the Season 2 arrival of Nasim Pedrad (New Girl, Scream Queens) as an FBI investigator should sweeten the mix even more. The best gag of all: an alien-invasion comedy set in a town called Beacon. Ha!

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Friends From College (series debut Friday, July 14, Netflix), from Neighbors and Forgetting Sarah Marshall producer Nick Stoller, might have made a better movie than an eight-episode streamer. Or not: Who needs another outlet on any platform for pretty, well-off 30-somethings (the College was Harvard, and the Friends live in, of course, New York) to marinate on the hardships of adulting? Despite a killer cast (including Keegan-Michael Key, Cobie Smulders, Annie Parisse, Nat Faxon, Fred Savage and Jae Suh Park), Friends From College doesn’t make a case to give a shit about any of them—or its worst-of-the-’90s Spotify soundtrack.

Yet again, HBO has decided that TV critics don’t need to see any of the new Game of Thrones (Season 7 premiere Sunday, July 16, HBO), and that’s cool with me. Anything that annoys tubby TV critics (who, despite the rise of Peak TV, still haven’t reached the level of self-grandeur of movie critics—sad!) should be applauded. Anyway: What’s known about the penultimate season of the ultimate blood ’n’ boobs fantasy series is … well, nothing. Sure, there’s speculation on everything from the inevitability of Daenerys finally crossing paths with Jon Snow (duh) to the idea that Ned Stark is still alive (oh, shut up, nerds), but I’ll be watching Twin Peaks.

Eternal darkness has fallen, and a totalitarian regime that rules though fear and intimidation has taken command. Relax; it’s just The Strain (Season 4 premiere Sunday, July 16, FX)—what did you think I was talking about? You’re watching too much fake news. The fourth and final season of Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan’s vampire-apocalypse epic finds our heroes Eph (Corey Stoll), Fet (Kevin Durand) and Dutch (Ruta Gedmintas) seemingly defeated by the Strigoli, who are thriving in the nuclear winter, but the war between humans and bloodsuckers isn’t over yet. Hulu Seasons 1-3; The Strain is better than any of that zombie fluff.

“The story of four tech entrepreneurs and childhood friends who, on the heels of selling their gaming company, become multi-millionaires and are forced to deal with the pitfalls that come with being an overnight success.” Is it Silicon Valley? Halt and Catch Fire? No, just British import Loaded (series debut Monday, July 17, AMC), which is neither as funny as the former nor as dramatically compelling as the latter—but it does have Mary McCormack as a deliciously nasty boss lady. (“Think of me as a sexy Darth Vader, because yesterday, you got bought out by the Empire, and behind me, there’s an emperor.”) She’s the reason to check out Loaded.

The network won’t acknowledge it, but Shooter (Season 2 premiere, Tuesday, July 18, USA), based on the 2007 Mark Wahlberg flick, is a hit with conservative Flyover America. Since the debut of its first season was delayed from summer to post-election 2016 due to, you know, actual shootings around the country, Shooter’s semi-jingoistic edge long preceded the “Should we Satanic Hollywood Liberals address whatever the hell falls between New York and California?” discussion. Politics aside, star Ryan Phillippe is far better as a Marine sniper on the lam than Wahlberg was, and Shooter’s worth a look. You can watch it with your parents instead of Fox News!

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Andy Samberg’s 2015 mockumentary, 7 Days in Hell, was all about tennis and ridiculous wigs; his latest sports-doc send-up, Tour de Pharmacy (movie, Saturday, July 8, HBO), is all about cycling and ridiculous wigs—at least he’s consistent. Set in 1982, “a dark and fictitious time in cycling history,” Tour de Pharmacy chronicles a doping scandal within a Tour de France-ish cycling competition, getting weird with a game array of guest stars: Orlando Bloom, Freddie Highmore, Jeff Goldblum, Danny Glover, Julia Ormond, Dolph Lundgren, James Marsden, Kevin Bacon, Will Forte, Maya Rudolph, Mike Tyson, J.J. Abrams and, of course, Lance Armstrong. Not all of it works, but there’s so much that it hardly matters.

National Geographic already covered this three years ago with its The ’90s: The Last Great Decade miniseries, but leave it to a failing Fake News outlet to rip it off: The Nineties (series debut, Sunday, July 9, CNN) is an eight-part series about the glory years of flannel, Clintons and Zima (at least two have staged a viable comeback), with the first two hours focused not on politics, racial unrest or tech advances, but … television? Great, let’s rehash Friends, Frasier and The Sopranos (which premiered in 1999, so it barely counts) from the decade when I began writing about the tube for an indifferent audience—and nothing’s changed in the age of Peak TV. Yeah, I made this about me—deal with it!

Adult Swim continues to answer the nagging question “Where’s Season 3 of Rick and Morty?!” with, “Dunno, but here’s another shitty new cartoon.” The setup for Apollo Gauntlet (series debut, Sunday, July 9, Adult Swim) sounds promising: When Earth cop Paul Cassidy is transported to a “futuristic medieval” (?) world by the diabolical-if-misleadingly-named Dr. Benign, he decides to dole out local justice his way with the help of a magical suit and a pair of talking gauntlets. Unfortunately, Apollo Gauntlet is just another badly drawn stoner ’toon that’s not even up to the standard of its ironic low-bar inspiration, He-Man—and it’s certainly no Axe Cop, the gold standard of animated lawmen.

After the sad, quiet failure of Still Star-Crossed, no network is going to be dumb enough to launch another new Shakespearean dramedy, right? Ha! Modernized period piece Will (series debut, Monday, July 10, TNT) juices the legend of a young William Shakespeare as he arrives in the “punk-rock theatre scene of 16th century London.” Gahhh. TNT is having a decent summer with rough-and-tumble dramas Animal Kingdom and Claws; the foptastic Will feels off-brand, to say the least (which no one does here, like, ever). Sure, it’s filmed gorgeously, but lead Laurie Davidson appears to have answered a casting call that read “a younger Bradley Cooper, minus personality, charm and beard potential.”

Staging your sexy millennial drama at a magazine—you know, those glossy-paper dinosaurs found in dentist’s offices and Jiffy Lube waiting rooms—in 2017 makes about as much sense as publishing an actual magazine in 2017. The Bold Type (series debut, Tuesday, July 11, Freeform) is wishful thinking on the part of Hearst Magazines boss Joanna Coles, who’s listed as an executive producer on this inconsequential perfume insert of a show. Standard-issue Freeform models Jane, Kat and Sutton are making their way in the glam world of Scarlet magazine, exploring the young-adult Big Four of “sexuality, identity, love and fashion.” Fashion? There’ll never be a series about an alternative paper.

In Salvation (series debut Wednesday, July 12, CBS), MIT student Liam (Charlie Rowe) discovers that an asteroid is six months away from colliding with Earth, so he teams up with this TV season’s cliché of choice, a tech billionaire (Santiago Cabrera), plus the U.S. government, to save the planet! But after a lead-in hour of Big Brother, who’s feeling charitable about humanity? Anyway: The guv’ment has its own shadow contingency plan, and who can blame them when Liam does shit like hiring an improbably gorgeous young sci-fi writer (Jacqueline Byers) as a theorist while ignoring the lessons of Armageddon, Deep Impact and Night of the Comet? At least Neil deGrasse Tyson—as himself!—is here to help.

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Two years ago, I actually typed the phrase “renegade zoologist” in reference to Jackson Oz (James Wolk), the protagonist of Zoo (Season 3 premiere Thursday, June 29, CBS). Surprisingly, both Wolk and I still have jobs in 2017, even though Zoo has now moved past the material of the original James Patterson novel, wherein animals had taken over the planet because humankind was too weak and dumb to stop it. (Sounds about right.) In Season 3, the sci-fi-ish series jumps ahead 10 years to 2027, when the world population is dwindling due to sterility, but at least animals are no longer a threat—well, except for the new, military-spawned lab creatures that are even more deadly. Way to go, humans!

Nothing prompts me to cheer for a critter apocalypse like the major networks’ continued insistence on digging up long-dead “classics” and repositioning them as summer filler—the latest being Battle of the Network Stars (series debut Thursday, June 29, ABC). Battle of the Network Stars is a ’70s/’80s throwback that “blended TV celebrities with athleticism and hilarious antics” (but not in a literal blender; that, I’d watch). Tonight’s debut pits “TV Sitcoms” (Bronson Pinchot, Tom Arnold, Dave Coulier, A.J. Michalka and Tracey Gold) vs. “TV Kids” (Joey Lawrence, Corbin Bleu, Nolan Gould, Lisa Whelchel and Kim Fields). But wasn’t Gold technically a Growing Pains “Kid”? Christ, whatever.

A trio of sexy-scruffy bounty hunters (Aaron Ashmore, Hannah John-Kamen and Luke Macfarlane) continue to work the interplanetary warzone in what’s essentially Firefly meets Guardians of the Galaxy on a Canadian budget. Killjoys (Season 3 premiere Friday, June 30, Syfy), along with Dark Matter, got Syfy back into space a couple of years before the network decided to (re)become a sci-fi channel, and it continues to be an underappreciated gem in the schedule. Unlike Dark Matter, Killjoys has a sense of humor about itself, as well as a smaller, tighter-knit cast of characters to keep track of (and one, John-Kamen’s badass Dutch, who outshines them all). Catch up now at Syfy.com/Killjoys.

We all diverge on the Showtime revival of Twin Peaks—you say it’s an incomprehensible mess directed by a lunatic who’s just fucking our psyches; I say, yeah, so what? Let’s agree, however, that Naomi Watts is absolutely killing it as Janey-E Jones, OK? Gypsy (series debut Friday, June 30, Netflix) is another cool TV showcase for Watts, if not quite the “thriller” it wants to be. Jean Holloway (Watts) is a Manhattan therapist with an idyllic practice and home life, but she has a problem: She gets waaay too involved with her patients outside of the office, both personally and sexually. Unfortunately, it all unfolds like a straight-to-VHS ’90s semi-erotic potboiler. But, hey, at least we still have Janey-E.

Unbeknownst to, well, everyone, ABC has been airing/burning off a Shakespearean period drama in primetime for more than a month—and it’s a Shondaland production! I know, right? Still Star-Crossed (returns Saturday, July 8, ABC) answers the never, ever-asked question: “What happened after Romeo and Juliet took their dirtnap of love?” As you’ve already guessed, the Montagues and the Capulets are still assholes to each other, and Still Star-Crossed is as tedious as a twice-told tale, proving that the touch of Shonda Rimes doesn’t exempt a show from the vortex of suck. (Anybody remember Off the Map?) At least it’s only seven episodes long, brevity being the soul of shit or however that went.

Snowfall (series debut Wednesday, July 5, FX) has ramped up with some great, ’80-rap-infused promos prior to its premiere, but John Singleton’s dramatization of the rise of crack cocaine in 1983 Los Angeles isn’t as immediately gratifying. First, there’s the story of a young street dealer (Damson Idris). Then, a Mexican wrestler (Sergio Peris-Mencheta) with crime-family probs. And then, a troubled CIA agent (Carter Hudson) caught up with the Nicaraguan Contras and the seductive daughter (Emily Rios) of a crime lord. All of these storylines are unfolding simultaneously, but none are particularly compelling in the initial episodes. Snowfall may be ambitious, but it needs to get to a damned point, pronto.

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